call me whatever

What would you do if...

2012-02-07T02:03:00.001+08:00

You have been sick for months. Not expecting anything, you went for check up at normal clinic. But it have been weeks and weeks you still have not recover. So curiosity gave the idea for you to go and do a full medical check up at the hospital.

Waiting... After 2 weeks the hospital called and your result is ready. You got really scared because you have the feeling that something must be wrong somewhere. But still, you are hoping that it is not something too serious.

The doctor revealed your result with calmness. And your mother sat beside you eager to know what actually went wrong.

What do you think if suddenly the doctor told you that you are having a liver cancer? What would you do? How should you feel? Cancer? Is that hurtful enough? Do you think you will be okay? How long will it takes for you to be fully recover? Do you have the chance? Will you suffer from it? Will people around you give you support and care?

Are you going to die soon?

My Bestfriend Wedding

2012-01-22T20:22:00.001+08:00

Another good friend of mine just got married. It was simple. Doesn't matter because most importantly it went well.

I wish nothing but the best for her and her husband. May this marriage life brings more happiness and blessing from Allah.

Congratulation Fina!

Hari-hari Bercuti

2011-12-19T12:42:00.002+08:00

Best bukan kalau gaji RM10k per month and tak banyak commitment?
Best bukan kalau sebulan, boss boleh bagi cuti 1 minggu?

Mimpilah....

Kalau betul dalam realiti aku macam tu, memang every month aku nak pergi vacation or melawat tempat-tempat yang belum pernah aku jejak selama ni.

Lately ni asyik nak fikir vacation saja. Kerja, kumpul duit then pergi la mana-mana. As for now, I am focusing on tempat-tempat di dalam negara tercinta ini sendiri. Went to Pulau Perhentian few months back. Then to Penang last month. This month end mungkin ke Cameron saja. And all of the plans started already for the next year trip to Redang, Mabul and other places. Insyallah kalau diizinkan Allah; panjang umur and murah rezeki.

The best thing is bila boss offered me for a trip to Korea some time next year. Bertuah kan? Well, after aku terpaksa skipped the Indonesia and London tour memang lah rasa bertuah diberi offer sebegini. Anyway, lets hope tak ada halangan.

It feels like hari-hari nak berjalan dan bercuti. In order to get that one day, I guess I have to work extra hard la kan? As for now, kena la hadap bekerja siang malam bermati-matian untuk semua itu.

Another Year Come To An End

2011-12-08T11:38:00.003+08:00

Masa cepat saja berlalu. Rasa macam baru semalam celebrate hari kelahiran. And now, it is close to another year of getting older.

2011... I lost a lot, yet I gained a lot.

2011... I've learnt a lot.

2011... I've understand a lot.

2011... I've cried a lot.. (A LOT), but I laughed more.

2011... There will be tons of things I am going to miss.

2011... There also will be things I won't regret of letting go.

2011... There will be some people that I am going to miss.

2011... Yet, there are some new people that I gladly met.

There are still much time to achieve things. Years and years will passing us by. Selagi masih hidup, selagi itu usaha masih mampu dorong kita kecapi impian. Insyallah.

Lomo Trial: Part 1

2011-11-08T13:58:00.006+08:00

Photos were taken using Lomography Action Sampler lomo camera.

Permainan Kata

2011-10-03T15:03:00.003+08:00

Apparently for some people, to quote something nice and deep jadi sekadar basa-basi. Not something to define how they actually feel or how they would actually act towards that situation. Cuma sekadar penyedap frasa atau sekadar mencanang kekuatan diri. Why do we have to put it that way?

Bercakap betapa kuatnya kita menjadi single. Tapi on a different side of the world, kita keep on hint things how sad and how alone we are. So mana satu frasa yang define diri kita sebenarnya?

Mungkin those phrase cuma sekadar copy and paste dari quotation orang bijaksana. Untuk diserapkan dalam diri masih belum tentu, apatah lagi untuk diamalkan. Memang jadi kelaziman bila kata mereka cuma sekadar kata-kata yang bisa didengar tapi usah dipercaya.

I've been into your situation. Kononnya aku lah segalanya. Tapi sampai satu tahap, semua meant nothing bukan? Jangan main kata-kata.

We Are All A Bunch Of Hypocrites

2011-08-09T13:22:00.004+08:00

Agree? Well, it makes you one if you even try to deny it.

Previously, I was trying so hard to convince myself that I am not a hypocrite person, I never want to be that person. Keep telling how much I hate those hypocrite people. But we are all living in hypocritical surroundings and meet hypocrite people every single day.

One day you say this, the next day you'll say something else. Today you agree but tomorrow you'll be against it. Right now you're all into it, but on the next minute you are so turn off by it.

When one person say this and we agree and then come the next person who have way the opposite opinion and we agree to it too; how hypocrite are we? When we used to have this strong principal of certain things in life and one day someone just snatch it away and make us believe on a different things we usually don't believe in; how hypocrite can we be?

At the end of the day, we're all just a bunch of hypocrite who just want to fit in. Who really want to be in a safer situation; a majority.

Hey, Selamat Berpuasa

2011-08-06T16:59:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum....

Well, well. After so long tak meng'update' this blog dah mula rasa kekok. I actually don't know where to start. All I know that I just miss blogging and I miss you guys.

Anway, due to some adjustments in life, work, family and friends were the reasons of why I hardly blog these days. Nak cakap super busy tu; not really. Cuma I couldn't find the right time and the right idea to blog. So here goes crappy...

Dah almost 1 week of Ramadhan. I haven't got the chance to wish all of you. But it is not to late to wish Selamat Berpuasa dan semoga segala amal ibadah yang kita lakukan dengan ikhlas di bulan yang mulia ini mendatangkan hidayah dan keberkatan dari Allah s.w.t. Amin...

Well, sebenarnya tak ada apa pun nak cerita. Not really tak ada. There are actually a lot to share. Cuma we have to find the right time, alright? So until then, selamat berpuasa (again) and be good.

Behind Every Successfulness

2011-04-20T14:42:00.009+08:00

"Every successful men, there is always a women behind it".

I guess I have to agree on that phrase precisely. Well, in some cases it might be different or the other way around. Let's just say that, in every successful person, there is always another person behind it.

Take Chuck Bass for example. Blair Waldorf always stands behind him no matter what. They seem to work a lot of things together; with or without approval, the right or the wrong way. Its easier to pursue or should I say manipulate when a backup is always there to lend a hand.

Okay, enough of the Gossip Girl fiesta. There are a lot more examples here and there where this phrase is truly an undeniable fact. I don't want to go into politics. But as you can see, behind those successful politicians, there are always a women behind them to support and to lend a hand or at least to even be a wall to lean on, a person who they'd go to after the good and the rough days.

The truth is, people always need someone to buck them up. To tell them go ahead or to warn them not to. To be the pusher and the puller. To be the one who getting them back into reality or to make them see things on the different point of view. It might seem another person is doing a better job being an advisor. But on certain cases, that advisor is indeed to reconfirm of the actions. The negative or positive thinker. It doesn't matter who fits in to who's brain, the result of the successfulness always come hand in hand.

So I might not be successful enough; perhaps not just yet. But I would like to take this opportunity to those people who always stands behind me, or side by side with me throughout these days. They have been such a great and wonderful group of people that I really can count on the most. I am so bless and thankful for that.

So lets just say two is better than one. Or perhaps, the more the merrier.

Life is Unfair? Really?

2011-03-14T21:36:00.004+08:00

A person once said to me "life is unfair". Personally I think it was pretty unfair to even say that. Yes, life might not be unfair to us sometimes. When shitty things happened, or the things that we always wanted didn't go well according to what we have planned, we always put the blame on life; that was being totally unfair to us.

Why?

Looking at the logic point here, we are the creators of our own problems. We are also the one who is going to solve the problems. We are the one who should work really hard for what we want. Life doesn't remunerate you or reward you with what you dream of if you refuse to have faith in it, work and chase your ass off for it, right? We created those things that happened to us either it sucks or not. We made the decision that we choose.

So, do we really should put the blame on life?

With God's willing, we create our next move every single minute in our life. We can make life fair enough when we put our mind and efforts into it. First of all, we need to be fair to ourselves. So, really, it is not life that is unfair. It was us who made it go wrong.

Chances and options are always there for you take risk of it. It is either you dare to work with it, or you prefer to choose to blame the unfairness of life and regret it your whole life.

Perasaan Hari Ini: Complicated

2011-03-14T21:27:00.002+08:00

Angry

Sad

Lost

Paranoid

Scared

Hopeless

Those mixture of feelings yang buat aku sangat complicated today. Perhaps one problem after another yang obviously couldn't escape from, yet there is no way to settle.

Attention (lots of it)

Help

Pamper

Sympathy

Care

Love

Understanding

Responsibility

And those are the things I really need right about now. Oh God, help me!

I Miss...

2011-03-06T19:14:00.006+08:00

Lately, aku banyak habiskan masa flipping through my old blog 'So Called Life' Too many memories. As if aku sengaja nak bringing it all back into my head. Tapi aku masih conscious. Itu semua benda dah lepas, bukan? So, mungkin aku cuma perlu refresh sedikit kenangan. Kenangan yang ada jadi punca kekuatan aku hingga sekarang.

To tell the truth, the previous blog penuh dengan depressions and emotions. It seemed that my life back then were so full of shits and dramas. Well, sekarang pun masih ada yang hanging here and there. But not as much as it was before; 2 to 3 years back then. Too much of mourning, too much of dissatisfaction, too much of this and too much of that.

Pengalaman hidup; the most valuable lesson we've learned and keep learning while walking through it. It makes you who you are right now; I believe that.

I miss being the favorite child to my parents.

I miss being the most reliable friend to my friends.

I miss being the shoulder to cry on.

I miss having a shoulder to cry on.

I miss going to IKEA with the other half and imagine living in our own home.

I miss those future plans talk.

I miss those moment we shared our dreams.

I miss being the one and only.

I miss my friends and the strong bond we used to have.

I miss being the old decent me.

I miss having things to laugh and laugh about.

I miss those days where we really need each other.

I miss sharing and caring.

I miss those sweet kisses and hugs.

I miss the 3 magic words sincerely came out from your mouth.

I miss the laughter and the tears.

I miss the cuddles and the fights.

I miss the wondering around town doing nothing.

I miss being in love with you.

I miss the passionate moments when I am with you.

I miss you, I miss us, I miss them, I miss who I used to be.

Always have, always will....

untitled

2011-03-03T11:44:00.002+08:00

Mungkin aku yang tak pernah bersyukur.

Mungkin aku yang masih terlalu takut.

Buka mata.

Lihat di luar sana.

Buka hati.

Cuba aku amati.

10 Things You'll Hate About Me

2011-02-27T11:42:00.010+08:00

Okay, daripada entri tunjuk diri itu kononnya sempurna atau peraga kelebihan diri sahaja, aku pilih untuk cerita 10 subjek yang mungkin buat kamu sedikit sebanyak wujud rasa turn-off towards me. Tapi kenapa? Nak buktikan aku manusia biasa yang punya kelemahan dan mungkin sifat keburukan. Those who can accept it; accept it. Those who really can't stand it; I am really sorry.

Let's count it from the least to the most important.

10. I am more to the pushover rather than the decision maker.

Friend: Kita nak pergi mana hari ni?

Me : Tak tahu. Ikut korang la...

- Usually ini situasi yang sering berlaku dalam hal-hal di mana aku di minta pendapat tentang sesuatu. Jawapan lazim seperti yang di atas yang selalu aku beri. Alasan , untuk selamatkan diri daripada dipersalahkan sekiranya keputusan yang aku beri itu salah atau tidak dipersetujui.

09. I can't tolerate with reasons.

- Susah la kalau orang cancel appointments dengan aku; sebab aku jenis yang susah nak terima apa alasan at any consequences pun. Usually aku angguk konon tanda terima, tapi I'll never take it as an acceptance. Cuma setuju untuk elakkan cerita yang berpanjangan. Tambah-tambah kalau alasan tu aku rasa macam dibuat-buat, because I really can sense if something fishy. So don't lie and don't give me crappy reasons.

08. I can't handle problems in positive way.

- Bila ada masalah aku lah jenis yang rasa macam dunia ni dah turn against me. Rasa macam dah tak ada jalan penyelesaian. So mostly aku akan meratap and my mood can easily be very annoying to other people and myself.

07. I don't know anything about car.

- Dah bertahun aku pakai kereta. Daripada manual ke automatic, kecik dan besar, buatan dalam dan luar negara; tapi sepanjang itu aku tak pernah pam tayar. Aku tak pernah tahu pun cara nak pam tayar. Alhamdulillah, setakat ni ada saja insan yang sudi membantu tatkala tayar pancit atau bocor. Bab enjin atau yang lainnya pun sama. Pendek kata, memang kalau rosak tengah jalan, aku akan immediately call mechanic ever for a minor problems. Dan jangan tanya aku tentang jenis-jenis kereta sebab aku tak tahu. Jenama; mungkin. Tapi kalau dah masuk bab model, series, keluaran mana atau recent manufaturing memang aku give up.

06. I can't be totally alone.

- Siapa yang boleh sendiri? Okay, mungkin kamu. Tapi aku jenis yang memang susah nak sendiri. Most of the time akan ditemani si dia, kawan-kawan atau family. Bila sendiri aku mula jadi tak keruan dan sangat sunyi. Mungkin sebab faktor perhatian yang aku sentiasa inginkan daripada sesiapa sahaja. Ini yang jadi punca kadang-kadang sesetengah orang rasa annoyed untuk selalu temankan aku saja. As if mereka tak ada anything better to do daripada 24 jam entertaining me. Sorry guys! So I am obviously not a claustrophobic.

05. I am a big spender. *totally unhealthy*

- According to him: Andre adalah seorang yang sangat suka "memboroskan" dirinya and for the one that he LOVE; like me. LOL. Terlalu banyak menggunakan duit untuk anything that he loves, such as STARBUCKS. That's what I see la. Kata sayang, of course I dapat nampak apa yang dia suka dan apa yang dia selalu buat bila kitorang keluar sama. Sometimes, he makes me feel guilty. Sebab terlalu banyak yang dia spend untuk someone that he loves. Sometime we must think about our future. If you spend so much now, so how about our future??

- According to me: Bukan ada banyak duit untuk di spend pun. Cuma once aku ada duit, cepat saja nak dihabiskan. Ada saja yang nak dibeli. Kadang-kadang aku guna prinsip 'sementara tengah ada, why not spend it with what we desire'. I know its not good. Well, ini perkara yang dalam proses untuk aku kawal. :)

04. I can easily give up

- According to him: Andre merupakan seorang yang cepat give up. Give up? Oh God !! Takut la kita. Tapi memang takut pun. Daripada pemerhatian saya, Andre mudah give up with something yang boleh menyusahkan kepala otak dia. Malas nak pikir then give up. So, kepada si DIA yang menjadi hak milik Andre please don't make him give up on you.

- According to me: Yes, aku memang jenis cepat give up. Why? Sebab I don't want to complicate things that is not or that have already been as complicated as it is. Rasanya buat keputusan mudah kadang kala helped me to get rid of the drama and complications. Memang ada pros and cons dia. So aku sendiri kena tanggung la dengan keputusan yang aku buat. Cuma yang pasti, aku jenis malas nak panjangkan cerita; so I can easily give up just like that.

03. I am a negative minded person.

- Ni lagi satu keburukan aku yang sukar nak dibendung. Aku jenis yang cepat sangat fikir negative towards anything. Dalam 1 perkara, 70% aku akan fikir kesan negative dan cuma 30% positive. Bukan nak jadi persiapan untuk kegagalan. Cuma memang aku jenis yang takut-takut terhadap banyak perkara. Mungkin faktor pengalaman-pengalaman lampau yang buat aku jadi lebih banyak berfikiran negative sebelum positive.

02. I can't accept rejection.

- Selalunya aku paling susah nak buat keputusan. Tapi aku jenis yang mudah menyuarakan sesuatu. Kesan daripada itu, aku selalunya cuma mengharap benda yang positive atau jawapan yang dipersetujui sahaja. I usually unprepare for rejection dan aku jenis yang susah nak terima rejection dalam apa situation sekalipun.

01. I am very sensitive and emotional. *warning alert*

- Ya! I am very well known among my friends and those who knows me dengan sifat sensitive. Aku jenis cepat terasa dengan keadaan sekeliling. Kesan daripada itu, I am having a emoitional disorder dan boleh cepat berubah when I can feel something is wrong somewhere. Kadang-kadang aku tahu benda tu tak seteruk mana pun. Cuma memang jadi fakta tentang aku yang selalunya jadi yang over sensitive towards anything.

DuaPuluhLapan

2011-02-21T01:56:00.005+08:00

* mana pergi wajah comel ini sekarang? (hekkk..)

Okay, tak perlu sorok-sorok lagi. Dengan bangganya saya mengaku bahawa saya sudah berumur 28 tahun. Macam orang-orang cakap; age is just a number. Setuju sangat. Daripada survey dan beberapa feedbacks yang saya masih dapat sampai ke hari ini adalah:-

"28? Serious tak macam 28..."

Okay, mungkin nampak macam isi bakul angkat sendiri. Tapi itu lah hakikatnya bila orang-orang yang baru mengenali saya bila bertanyakan perihal umur ni.

Faktor utama mungkin kerana size badan yang agak kecil untuk seorang lelaki Melayu berumur 28 tahun. "Kenapa kecil?.." atau "Kurusnya..." dah jadi ayat lazim bila jumpa kawan-kawan baru atau kawan-kawan yang dah hampir 10 tahun tak bertemu. Kebanyakan kawan-kawan sekolah yang terserempak masing-masing dah menampakkan umur sebenar. Mungkin itu salah satu sebab saya jarang turut serta untuk reunion atau jemputan-jemputan ke majlis perkahwinan rakan-rakan sekolah.

Faktor lainnya mungkin kerana pergaulan saya yang biasanya terdiri daripada mereka yang berumur dalam lingkungan awal 20an. Kenapa? Mungkin atas sebab keserasian dari segi pemikiran atau minat. Bukan bermaksud pemikiran saya tidak begitu matang. Cuma masih banyak berfikiran yang lebih ringkas dan kurang komplikasi.

Sebab-sebab lain tu masih belum dikenal pasti. Yang pastinya bukan saya tidak mahu menyorok dari kelihatan sebagai seorang lelaki Melayu 28 tahun. Cuma hakikatnya dah ditakdirkan begini. Lihatlah sendiri (senyum bangga).

Malu mengaku tua?

Perkataan tua itu rasa macam harsh sangat. Lebih sesuai digantikan dengan matang. Bukanlah segan bila umur semakin meningkat. Bahkan itu dah jadi routine semua individu setiap tahun. Cuma bila umur semakin meningkat, it reminds me berapa jauh saya sudah pergi. Macam-macam benda yang telah dilalui. Biasalah, pengalaman. Kadang-kadang terfikir jugak, ada lagi atau tidak hari lahir untuk tahun hadapan. Bila terfikir macam tu, mula jadi takut dan emosi sedikit terganggu. Biasalah, masih belum sedia.

Apa pun, saya bersyukur dengan masih diberi peluang untuk menghela nafas sehingga ke hari ini; Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih juga atas kurniaan kehidupan yang tidak begitu sukar dan adanya mereka-mereka yang istimewa dalam hidup sepanjang 28 tahun ini serta yang bakal mendatang.

The Day I'm Getting Older

2011-02-18T15:19:00.003+08:00

Venue : Azalea Apartment

Date : 18th February 2011

p/s: Thank you guys for the surprised party. I am so touched. xoxo

Wishlist Countdown No. 10

2011-02-16T20:36:00.002+08:00

A day to go before my ## birthday. Well, if you have to ask if aku ready or not, I have to say seriously not ready. Tapi sedia atau tidak, time wait for nobody, kan? Rasa macam waktu running too fast sampai aku tak dapat catch up. There are a lot of things I haven't achieve yet. Dulu at young age, I planned to achieve most of the things before I am 28. Unfortunately, things were getting out of hand and those planned things have to wait until the time is right. Manusia cuma merancang, yet Tuhan yang menentukan.

The thing that I really want for my birthday (which is tomorrow) is my almost perfect one. Apa tu? Someone who can actually complete me in any manner. Someone who is very deep and loyal to me and only me. Someone who actually know what commitment and responsible supposed to mean. Someone who make an honesty as their main priority. Someone who willing to share almost everything with me. Someone who would stay in any consequences. Someone who will be there during my ups and downs. Someone who doesn't look at my flaws seriously. Someone who would just be the only one for me; as I am to them. Someone who knows how to flatter me with gift, gifts and lots of gifts. Someone who see how special I am and willing to treat me at the very best. Someone who cares and loves me with all of their heart.

Macam too much to ask for; isn't it? Tapi bare in mind that I am not looking for a total perfection here. Aku sendiri bukan manusia sempurna. Tapi rasanya there are always rooms for improvement; that I really believes. So to head to the near perfection, we have to work hard for it. Not to be perfect. Just to be better than who we are today.

The almost perfect one. Exist?

Someone He Used To Know

2011-02-10T22:58:00.003+08:00

You bumped in with the guy you used to be with; how would you feel? When you finally getting over him; and there he goes. The miracle just brought him back here sitting close to you. So close that you almost felt like giving him the 2 years of missing him kind of hug.

You bumped in with the guy you used to cry over with; how would you feel? When you finally accepting the fact that it was over way back then; and there he goes. What is miracle trying to prove to you? That your heart shouldn't be cure? That your heart shouldn't have let him go? That your 5 months of suffering does not worth the cries? Why?

You bumped in with the guy you used to love, to share and care; how would you feel? When you finally trying to move on; and there he goes. With just a glance, all the memories crawling back full-filling your empty soul. But the worst part was, you're nobody. You're just someone he used to know.

Wishlist Countdown No. 9

2011-02-10T15:23:00.002+08:00

8 days to go...

I want Casio Exilim EX-S600 (hint..hint..)

Churp Churp

2011-02-10T12:11:00.001+08:00

How does getting rewarded through sharing sounds like to you? Join #ChurpChurp today and bring more friends to the community!

Wishlist Countdown No. 8

2011-02-09T17:37:00.001+08:00

9 days to go...

I want Lady Gaga Heartbeats (sumpah nak sangat!)

Jaga tepi kain sendiri atau orang lain?

2011-02-08T13:09:00.007+08:00

"Lebih baik jaga tepi kain sendiri dari sibuk menyelak kain orang lain"

Fakta manusia lagi; cukup suka busybody perihal orang lain. Kadang-kadang cerita yang dilihat atau didengar itu belum tentu persis dengan situasi yang sebenar. Sudah jadi hukum harus pada manusia exaggerate apa yang dinampak atau yang dilihat even cuma pada mata kasar. Pasti tak pasti, benar tak benar; belakang cerita. Bawa mulut tetap bawa mulut.

Yang segelintir pula suka jadi orang tengah. Bertopeng kononnya jadi pendengar dan penasihat yang sudi meluangkan masa. Dalam detik yang sama cuba ambil kesempatan dalam kesempitan tu. Reversal psychology banyak digunakan tujuan untuk mengaburi niat sebenar.

Semua manusia ada masalah masing-masing; kau, aku dan mereka semua sama akan hadapi macam-macam permasalahan. Jadi kenapa isu aku yang kau sibukkan sedangkan kau sendiri masih punya pelbagai masalah yang harus kau prioritize kan sebenarnya. Terima kasih jika niat kau terlalu mengambil berat. Tapi silap langkah dan silap kata.

*mengeluh*

Kenapa perlu jadikan isu yang tak pasti bila kau cuma melihat dari jauh? Kenapa perlu lebih-lebihkan cerita bila kesahihan sesuatu isu tu sendiri belum jadi kepastian pada kau? Kenapa perlu sibuk menyelak kain orang lain sedang kain kau sendiri banyak tetasnya?

Jangan terlalu buang masa cari salah, cari punca, cari kelemahan orang lain. Sedangkan kau dan kehidupan kau belum tentu sempurna. Jangan terlalu buang masa jadi mereka yang kononnya terlalu pintar untuk menasihatkan sesuatu sedangkan kau sendiri tak praktikkan apa yang kau nasihatkan. Kain kau sendiri terdedah luas koyaknya.

Macam mana? Masih mahu jaga tepi kain orang lain lagi?

Wishlist Countdown No. 7

2011-02-08T11:49:00.002+08:00

10 days to go....

I want Blackberry Bold 9780 to replace my current Gemini... (super please..!)

Wishlist Countdown No. 6

2011-02-05T12:13:00.002+08:00

13 days to go...

I want Bright Crystal perfume by Versace. :)

untitled

2011-02-01T03:39:00.002+08:00

I know you're still out there; listening, seeing, reading.

For me it still always have... Always will...

Wishlist Countdown No. 5

2011-01-31T14:58:00.005+08:00

19 days to go...

I want 'Coco Chanel: The Legend And The Life by Justine Picardie' book...

Helina's Baby Shower

2011-01-31T11:09:00.006+08:00

Event: Helina's Baby Shower

Date: 29th January 2011

Venue: Fullhouse, Jalan Yap Kwan Seng

Propaganda Sesuap Nasi

2011-01-27T09:41:00.002+08:00

Currently, saya menghadapi dilemma perkerjaan. Rasanya bukan saya saja. But most of the people around me pun facing almost the same problem. Biasalah, bila awal tahun lepas ada yang dapat bonus dan ada yang dapat biskut kering dan milo percuma di pantry saja.

Lately gatal-gatal tangan browsed through jobstreet. Kononnya nak cuba nasib looking for a better offer. Manusia kan tak pernah puas; betul? So far, tak ada masalah besar pun di tempat kerja. Semua running smoothly. In fact too smooth sampai aku kadang-kadang rasa macam makan gaji buta. Ada lazy bums kata; "best la!". Tapi bagi saya yang dedicate terhadap kerja ni (serious betul) rasa banyak buang masa. But no complaint; I am learning a lot here plus my lady boss merupakan juara 'The Best Boss Award' dalam hidup saya so far. Cuma satu makhluk dalam ni yang super-annoying. But despite all that, semua okay-okay saja.

So, dalam beberapa companies yang telah saya applied, ada la some of them yang saya dapat called back for an interview. One of them dah passed and wants to hire me. A same position, slightly wider job scope and better income. Tapi aku masih belum bagi jawapan. They gave me 2 weeks to think about their offer. Wah, rasa macam berkepentingan (hahahaha). There is another 2 more companies shortlisted me for an interview. In fact hari ni pun ada satu; which I rejected sebab tak dapat escape untuk attend the interview. Well, tak tahu macam mana nak manage all this without effecting my current job.

Pasal offer bulan 2 yang di carry forward ke bulan 3 ni masih dalam pertaruhan pulak. Memang minat, memang impian. Tapi saya masih ragu-ragu akan kebolehan sebenar dalam bidang yang jauh daripada pengalaman tapi cuma lahir daripada minat dah kebolehan. Dilemma lagi, kan?

So, macam itu la routine harian buat beberapa minggu ni and perhaps untuk beberapa minggu yang mendatang. Berat hati nak proceed untuk kerja di company lain; to make new friends, to adapt new environment, to face new office politics, to deal with different ways of working, etc. Besides, saya dah rasa selesa dengan environment sekarang where I am minding my own stuff, doing job that assigned almost perfectly, have few wonderful workmates that I really can adapt to and most importantly boss kesayangan yang sangat supportive. I am learning a lot here. Jadi, semua applications yang telah dibuat ni kena betul-betul consider for both parties. Takut if I am making a mistake by choosing a wrong job. Apa pun, good luck untuk hari ini, esok dan hari-hari mendatang.

Well, sebenarnya bukan saja untuk sesuap nasi.

Wishlist Countdown No. 4

2011-01-25T15:39:00.001+08:00

24 days to go...

I want Alexander McQueen for Puma Sneakers.. (so bad...!)

Wishlist Countdown No. 3

2011-01-24T13:13:00.001+08:00

25 days to go...

I want a men's clutch.

Dia dan kebiasaanya.

2011-01-24T10:18:00.003+08:00

Dia dan kebiasaannya; berkata-kata tentang sesuatu.

Dia dan kebiasaannya; kata-kata hampir 100% persuasive.

Dia dan kebiasaannya; hanya tahu berkata-kata.

Dia dan kebiasaannya; berkata seperti hanya dia yang fasih.

Dia dan kebiasaannya; berkata tak serupa bikin.

Dia dan kebiasaannya; cuma tuding ke sana tak cermin di sini.

Dia dan kebiasaannya; hidup dalam pura-pura.

Dia dan kebiasaannya; cuba sangkal kebenaran diri.

Dia dan kebiasaannya; sumpah ego, sumpah hipokrit.

Kau yang sebenarnya segelumit kuman cuma.

Tapi tampak lagak gah mu seolah semua dihujung jari mu.

Tampar diri sendiri; biar sedar.

Siapa kamu.

Kamu dan kebiasaan mu; hanya tahu berkata-kata.

Wishlist Countdown No. 2

2011-01-20T17:09:00.002+08:00

29 days to go...

I want DKNY Black Ceramic Watch

Wishlist Countdown No. 1

2011-01-19T14:34:00.004+08:00

30 days to go to my birthday.

I want a polariod camera! (hint..hint..LOL..)

Cuba cermin diri dahulu. Dapat kamu lihat?

2011-01-16T02:43:00.003+08:00

"Cermin diri dahulu"

Jadi kebiasaan manusia atau sudah jadi fitrah bila bercakap atau ber'blogging' seseorang tu sedap lontarkan hujah tanpa fikir kesahihannya. Jadi kebiasaan yang cakap hanya atas unsur ketidak puasan hati atau komentar-komentar negative tentang yang lain. Pernah kamu tanya diri sendiri; apa yang kamu luahkan itu adalah tentang diri kamu sendiri? Pasti tak cermin diri dahulu.

Bercakap; memang sedap. Fakta dan kebenaran hanya yang di atas tahu. Senang kau tabur fakta negative kau tentang yang lain. Walhal kau sendiri adalah yang sedemikian rupa. Pasti tak cermin diri dulu.

Mungkin benar apa yang di kata. Mungkin hak masing-masing untuk bersuara. Tapi canang-canangkan negativiti orang lain yang kononnya kau tidak seperti itu buat orang pandang kau jauh lebih di bawah. Kita manusia masing-masing punya sifat negative. Jadi wajarlah kau, aku dan mereka yang lainnya ada. Usah dibidas seolah hujah kau menuju cuma untuk kelompok mereka. Kelompok yang kononnya tidak tercatat nama kamu sendiri. Tapi cermin diri dahulu.

Kita fikir sebelum kita berhujah, bermanis mulut, bersuara dan menulis. Jangan terlalu naif.

Tak Dapat Terima Kenyataan

2011-01-13T09:26:00.002+08:00

'Tak dapat terima kenyataan'

Rasanya itu frasa yang paling sesuai untuk sesetengah golongan yang cuba menyangkal sesuatu fakta. Kadang-kadang sebab terlalu alpa atau terlalu termakan kata-kata, manusia boleh jadi hilang. Lenyapkan realiti yang sebenarnya terang lagi bersuluh dengan cuba percaya akan kata-kata yang cuma; hanya kata-kata sahaja.

'Tak dapat terima kenyataan'

Kenyataan yang sebenarnya mudah dan sudah seringkali terjadi. Tapi mungkin atas desakan nafsu untuk mempercayai sesuatu yang sebenarnya palsu buat sesetengah jadi dibelenggu dalam kepompong yang penuh tanda tanya. Sejauh mana kesahihan kata-kata?

Kita biar buta mata, tapi jangan buta hati. Tak semua yang kau dengar, kau rasa atau kau impikan itu perkara yang benar-benar ikhlas atau wujud dengan sejujurnya. Kata-kata cuma sekadar manis mulut yang dapat membuktikan kau jenis mudah jatuh. Atas dasar 'tak dapat terima kenyataan', benda yang nyata kau tolak tepi dan kau cuba tegakkan benang yang basah. Atau mungkin atas faktor 'tidak mahu kalah' kau.

Jujur aku nasihatkan, jangan terlalu ikutkan perasaan kau yang kadang-kadang buat aku rasa seolah-olah kau sungguh menjengkelkan bila perbualan itu menuju ke arah di mana kau cuba bukitkan yang kau lebih bagus dari aku. Kenapa? Sebab kata-kata dia yang sudah lama terbukti akan penipuannya. Kau nak di takuk fantasi ciptaan kau dan dia; go ahead. Don't drag me into it because I am done believing it for so long. Kau nak jadi sandaran; that's your problem. Tapi jangan pertikaikan benda yang aku sendiri tahu dan kebenarannya. Jangan cemburui aku kerana benda jadi bukan silap aku. Silap kau terlalu naive dan mudah percaya. Yang pasti ini bukan pertama kali. Jadi sematang kamu, boleh elaborate dan cari konklusi sendiri.

"I am not a kid anymore and this is not my kind of game".

Welcome 2011

2011-01-04T11:38:00.003+08:00

Whoot... whoot...!!

It’s New Year already. So it’s a goodbye to 2010 and welcome 2011. Rasa macam time passes by so quickly. Pejam celik dah another year berlepas. So many things happened throughout the year. Nak sum up pun macam terlalu banyak. Sedih, gembira dan yang biasa-biasa saja. Achievements pun banyak. But same goes to disappointments. People came, and people left. Well, rasanya tu lumrah kehidupan; like it or not. Things to regret; not so much. I always believe that things happened for its reasons and ada hikmahnya. Alhamdulillah, some of the hikmah dah clearly stated.

Whatever it is, I am hoping for a better things to achieve this year; a better life, better opportunities, better you and a better me. Let us pray for the better future ahead.

Happy New Year!

Happy Birthday Decemberians

2010-12-29T16:48:00.002+08:00

My best and awesome 4 is having their birthday on December...

So Happy Birthday!

Semoga panjang umur and murah rezeki..

God bless...!

Manusia Tak Belajar Dari Kesilapan

2010-12-23T11:26:00.005+08:00

Manusia, tak akan pernah lari from making mistakes; that's a fact. In return, most of us akan rasa "its okay, we learned from mistakes". Tapi personally, phrase itu cuma frasa penyedap hati.

We made mistakes and we thought we are going to learn from it. Perhaps we could do better the next time and not to repeat the same mistakes again. True bila tekankan 'not to repeat the same mistakes again'. Tapi tak tahu la intentionally or unintentionally, kita akan buat other mistakes which much worse. So conclusion here, we doesn't really learn from that mistakes. In fact we will create more mistakes that is much more worse. Rebellious atau tak sengaja?

A short story example: A guy met a girl few months back and somehow decided to declare their relationship based on their feelings; that is love. Few months later the girl decided to leave for some reasons that she wanted to be a better person. The guy was disappointed but somehow he just tried to let it be if it was the best thing for her. She made her first mistake when actually she always knew that the guy was the best thing that ever happened to her and the only one who knows how to treat her at her very best. But not long after that he found out that she met another guy. But then again, she left him without giving any perfect reason. And the new guy was disappointed. Well actually, that was not the first time she left the new guy. She used to gave him hopes way back then but the same thing happened. So that's another mistake that she made. For believing her; and that was the second mistakes that the new guy made.

Clearly, in that situation the girl keep making mistakes and thought that she might learn from it. But no, she keep making more mistake yang lebih besar dan menimbulkan perasaan dendam towards certain people. As for the new guy, he had gone through it once and hoped that he won't repeat the same mistake again. And yet masih cuba percaya at the second time. But still got ditched and dumped. Which making it much worse the next time.

So assuming that we might be in this kind of situation, could you be more agree with me? I observed, I made my researched in so many examples and situations. What I found was, people just trying so hard to believe that they might learn from mistakes. For some people, they succeed. But for the most of them, they failed. They even put themselves in a much more worse conditions and situations. Jadi mana kata-kata tu pergi?

Ya, kita manusia tak boleh lari dari lakukan kesilapan. Tapi cuba buka mata, buka hati. Jangan terlalu naif dalah soal kehidupan. Sorry won't last for repeating mistakes, you know. It can only make you such an ego, stupid, heartless and self-conscious creature. Know your mistakes, avoid it from happen again. Force yourself to stop it if you have to. Jangan ikut perasaan. Soon it will burn you with all the mistakes that you made. Binasa.

Ini cuma sekadar pendapat dari self experiences and observation around me.

Sale

2010-12-17T10:22:00.003+08:00

Dream becoming TRUE.

2010-12-16T10:30:00.003+08:00

In 2 months time, it would be my birthday. A little sigh since I am getting older. But in 2 months time from now, I will be doing a combination of 2 things that I love the most. In 2 months time, I will be doing the 2 things I always dreaming about. 2 major words; WRITING and FASHION.

Alhamdulillah, after all those years of dreaming, planning, researching, analyzing, making contacts, running here and there, exposing, it finally pays me well. And I hardly even describe how happy and thankful I am.

I just want to thank all those people who directly and indirectly helping me throughout these days. For those who always be there to share. For those who giving me the ideas. And most importantly, for those who trusting me and giving me this very, very, very, very great opportunity. Thank you from a bottom of my heart.

Its a good news as a good start of a new journey ahead. Can't wait for 2011.

untitled

2010-12-13T13:02:00.004+08:00

Kita cari ketenangan, bukan ketenangan cari kita.

Kita kejar masa, bukan masa kejar kita.

Tak perlu kata "tunggu dan lihat",

bila apa usaha pun kita tak buat.

Tak perlu salahkan masa cemburukan kita,

bila yang kita tahu cuma menunggu.

Buka mata, buka hati...

Jalan jangan pandang belakang.

Simpan apa yang perlu,

bawa mana yang mampu.

Where Can I Find A Person

2010-12-08T12:27:00.004+08:00

Who...

- is smart
- Has a good personality
- Has a nice smile
- Won’t break my heart
- Love to cuddle
- Is thoughtful/considerate
- Will sit and talk about any/everything
- Listens when I talk
- Compliment me everyday
- Isn’t afraid to show their feelings
- Tells me the truth even if I don’t want to hear it
- Doesn’t want to be with a million other hotter guys
- Will be there for me thru’ the good and bad
- Know how to please me

- Will call/text me just to tell me how much he cares
- Willing to improve for the better
- Is just sweet and good to me

Friends against Mr. Boyfriend

2010-12-06T11:14:00.003+08:00

Bukan marah atau mengungkit.

Bukan niat nak jatuhkan siapa-siapa.

Cuma luahan dari sudut persahabatan dan kemanusiaan.

Bila persahabatan yang kita semua jalinkan since years and years ago tu boleh dipersoalkan hanya kerana seorang lelaki yang kau gelar 'boyfriend', memanglah cetek cara kau berkawan. Apa guna ada kawan yang baik dan akrab dengan kau kalau wujudnya kami dalam hidup kau sekadar untuk lihat kau susah. Apa guna ada kawan seperti kami kalau hanya sekadar nak lihat kau jatuh terduduk. Apa guna ada kawan seperti kami kalau pada fikiran kau hanya nak memburuk-burukkan keadaan kau.

Mungkin cetek definisi persahabatan yang ada dalam diri kau. Mungkin kau terlalu cepat memperlekehkan apa yang dinasihatkan. Mungkin kau masih terlalu naif. Pada kau, dunia kau hanya ada kau dan si dia. Now that is pathetic.

Sebagai kawan yang aku rasa akrab, tak salah rasanya aku sedarkan kau atas kealpaan kau. Sebagai kawan yang sentiasa ada bila kau perlukan, tak salah rasanya aku suarakan rasa ketidak puasan hati. Kenapa? Aku cuma ingin lihat kau gembira dan bahagia. Mungkin sekarang kau terlalu berseronok dengan dunia yang kau cipta. Kebahagiaan yang pura-pura. Apa guna keluar dari mulut harimau dan masuk mulut buaya? Apa guna kami yang kau gelar sahabat kalau sekadar lihat saja kau kecewa? Sorry, aku bukan kawan jenis itu.

Setiap kali kau keluar dengan kawan-kawan, yakin aku pasti kau bergaduh. Kononnya kawan-kawan kau jelek habis pada mata dia. Dia tahu macam mana aku yakinkan kau untuk keluar dengan dia sebelum ni? Dia tahu bagaimana aku cuba untuk buka fikirannya yang terlalu sempit terhadap kawan-kawan kau? Mana kawan-kawan dia bila waktu dia susah? Mana kawan-kawan kau bila waktu kau susah? Kau boleh fikir dan nilai. Kau boleh ingat balik segala isu. Bukan ungkit, sekadar ingatkan kau tahap dia dan tahap kami sebagai kawan kau.

Sekarang nampak kau tanggung dia. Tempat tinggal, makan minum; hampir semua. Kau cuba sedapkan hati dengan menyuarakan yang hidup kau agak mudah sedikit bila ada dia yang membantu. Kau fikir, berapa banyak kau keluarkan daripada yang dibantu. Kau fikir tanggungan kau, keluarga kau, adik beradik kau. Kau fikir kau yang dulu dari kau yang sekarang.

Sekarang, ibu bapa kau atau adik beradik kau datang pun kau persoalkan kerana 'boyfriend' kau tu. Jadi pada kau 'boyfriend' kau tu lebih penting daripada ibu bapa dan keluarga kau yang selama ni ada untuk kau.

Sekarang, nak jumpa kau pun dapat kesudahan pergaduhan antara kau dengan dia. Tak tahu la kalau setakat menonton wayang boleh jadi dosa dalam kamus percintaan kau. Cetek bukan? Itu sinopsis kehidupan yang kau impikan untuk kau bina seumur hidup kau?

Baik buruk yang jadi pada kau memang bukan masalah aku atau mereka. Baik buruk yang jadi pada kau memang kehidupan kau. Tapi pernah kau terfikir yang selama ni kau, aku atau mereka sentiasa ada untuk berikan pertolongan semasa kau, aku atau mereka dalam kesusahan. Mana dia yang kau agung-agungkan? Mana dia yang sanggup buat kau singkiran kawan? Mana dia yang kau utamakan lebih daripada keluarga kau sendiri? Sedar atau tidak, yang pahit lebih banyak dari manis. Memang kau sendiri rasa, tapi kami masih mendengar dan melihat.

Kau banyak lupa akan semua erti persahabatan bila kau dengan dia. Kau berikan segala keutamaan untuk dia lebih daripada segalanya. Tapi hari-hari hati kau kecewa. Kau bukan orang senang. Tapi kau ikutkan perasaan yang tak ke mana tu hanya kerana seorang lelaki yang kau sendiri tahu latar belakangnya dan boleh nampak masa depannya. Bukan bermaksud untuk merendahkan. Tapi kau harus fikir masa depan kau dan mereka-mereka yang masih mengharapkan kau; keluarga.

Mungkin apa jua nasihat yang diberikan sekarang boleh kau perlekehkan. We meant nothing to you. Tapi akan tiba satu hari bila kau dah terjatuh (which let's hope not), kau tau di mana dan siapa yang sanggup hulurkan bantuan. Siapa yang selalu ada untuk kau.

Now, you just blinded by the fact that you really need a man in your life. But newsflash, what kind of man he is? You knew it better deep inside. Despite all those crazy in love shit, you can't deny the fact that he is useless and not worth any of your life.

This is what friends are for. Terpulang la pada kau untuk pertimbangkan.

untitled

2010-11-30T01:38:00.003+08:00

Aku cuma ingin jadi seperti mereka yang teguh pendiriannya.

Aku cuma ingin pastikan rasa tak binasa.

Aku cuma ingin genggam segala harapan kau beri.

Aku cuma ingin teruskan saja apa yang kita sedia mulakan.

Aku cuma ingin kau untuk aku seperti hanya aku untuk kau.

Aku cuma ingin melangkah terus ke sana.

Aku cuma ingin jadi dia yang terbaik.

Aku cuma ingin terus hidup gembira.

Tapi,

Aku cuma manusia yang masih tercari, mencari dan ingin mengecapi.

Aku cuma manusia yang penuh hasrat untuk dikecapi.

Aku cuma manusia yang masih berdiri kerana adanya harapan.

Aku cuma manusia.

Manusia biasa seperti kau dan mereka yang lainnya.

Perasaan Hari Ini: Positive

2010-11-16T14:02:00.001+08:00

Enough is enough.

From now on, I want to be Mr. Positive instead of being trapped in Mr. Negative thinking all the time.

Wish me luck!

:-)

Hard

2010-11-15T15:47:00.002+08:00

This is so hard...

So hard I can't barely even stop thinking about it.

So hard that couldn't stop me from doing everything wrong.

Everything seems so wrong now.

I wasn't expected this.

This is so hard...

So hard that I can't barely even let go...

Events: It's MIFA!

2010-11-02T15:59:00.002+08:00

Looking forward to see you this Friday & Saturday

p/s Thank you for the invites. :)

My Latest Addiction: Ash Stymest

2010-11-01T15:37:00.001+08:00

Friends

2010-10-25T12:01:00.004+08:00

"Friends don't ditch friends".

Rasa macam there are so many dissatisfaction. Rasa macam too many to complain. Tapi should I or should I not? Or perhaps, I should just keep it to myself.

Orang kata, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Tapi rasanya that saying dah tak boleh pakai. Especially bila your friends just making you the less priority. Tapi mungkin bukan salah mereka. Some people just too busy with their life rather then just to entertain you; correct?

Ntah la. Maybe it has been a hard time for me and none of them are available to talk to or to at least listen.

Friends...

Perasaan Hari Ini:Pengorbanan

2010-10-22T15:07:00.002+08:00

"love need sacrifices"

Jadi kalau susah untuk berkorban macam mana? Benda mudah susah nak ubah macam mana? Jadi pendorong bukan senang. Cakap banyak tak guna bila masuk kiri keluar kanan, kan? Orang kata untuk orang yang tersayang semua jadi mudah. Semua tak mustahil. Tapi kenapa macam ni, tak macam tu?

So lihat saja. Ada harapan, ada lah. Tapi perjalanan harus kena teruskan.

untitled

2010-10-21T15:29:00.001+08:00

Why do we only do the "at least" if we can do the "most"?

Mari cerita tentang ' Personal Social Networking'

2010-10-19T15:35:00.008+08:00

Currently, social networking sites dah terlalu banyak. So, I assumed that networking tak lah sesukar as it was before. Just with a click, you can socialize with people around the globe; boundless networking. Imagine how effortless it is to get to know people with just clicking things and then you have the most of information. But biasalah. This kind of thing ada pros and cons dia in terms of personal plus it can also harm banyak relationship reported everywhere. Agree? Somehow I am sure you do agree.

Are you personal networking socialite?

Bila dah boundless networking ni tercipta, human jadi lebih attracted to things like this. Getting to know new people, connecting those people in the past, sharing thoughts and ideas, and ada yang gunakan these social network sites untuk dating, finding open relationships, opening more options, making themselves available (even if they are actually not), etc. So to me, it is about self control. I have nothing against the main idea of this social networking existence. Tapi bila dah di misinterpreted tu yang jadi issue.

How far kepercayaan tu nak diletak when there are so many thing that might seems quite suspicious? For singles, I have no problem with approving unknown people. Well, we could use that as a first step of getting to know new people. But for those who is in a relationships, I don't understand why do you have to approve or adding so many unknown people in your list? Isn't that suspicious? They might give so many lame reasons, e.g nak banyakkan kawan, tak nak orang cakap sombong, pernah nampak before, kawan punya kawan, etc. To me that is totally lame. Macam you have exploited the trust of your partner when you approve or adding those people you don't actually know. To make it worse bila dah start commenting each other, complimenting things, being such a busybody and other things that make me just go yikkeess!

I mean, come one! Tak cukup kawan dah ke? Or why do you have to care of those unknown people cakap you sombong? Why can't you just take care of what you have now? Unless you are trying to open more opportunities or anything near that. Jangan sampai yang dikejar tak dapat, and yang ada ni lari pulak. Personal or in general, I am not agree with all this getting to know new people when you already dating someone. Seriously, I totally disagree and never want it to come near my relationship. It may harm us; trust me.

Speaking of change

2010-10-15T09:46:00.006+08:00

One day we are on the top. The next day we are down. That's normal; that is what life supposed to mean. Tapi apa yang penting, aku banyak belajar while going through this journey of knowing people while understanding myself. Masih banyak to explore; I admit. Tapi hati, tolong jangan give up.

As a human, kita masih full of imperfections. We are like Baroque. Some say, imperfections tu yang buat kita actually perfect in terms of relationship. How far the truth is? I couldn't be that agree. Itu cuma satu frasa escapism yang nak elak diri daripada berusaha untuk jadi lebih yang terbaik.

True bila kita kena accept our other half as who they are. True kalau semua manusia tak perfect; even aku. Tapi jangan jadikan alasan yang kita ni tak sempurna untuk avoid diri dari lakukan perubahan. There are always room for improvement either kita nampak or tak. Peluang sentiasa ada for those who really want to make a change. Most importantly, kena ada efforts yang banyak sebab things are not that easy. Bukan niat untuk jadi sempurna kerana kita manusia tak akan pernah sempurna. Memadai dengan berusaha untuk menjadi yang lebih baik.

Speaking for perubahan, there are a lot that we need to sacrifice to make that change. Nothing venture, nothing gain. So kalau sukar untuk make sacrifices, then sukar nak dapat satu pembaharuan. Pasal past, there were nothing we can actually do sebab kita tak ada kuasa untuk putar balik masa and to correct what ever mistakes we have made. Kalau la hidup macam tulisan dalam kertas, yang salah boleh dipadam dengan liquid paper. Tapi it is not like that, kan? So the least we could do is to let it go. Let it all go and just improve for the better.

Cakap senang, kan?

Well, susah kalau kita buat benda jadi lagi susah. Instead of tunggu nanti-nanti, why not we make that efforts now? Time wait for nobody; true. So menunggu masa untuk melakukan perubahan sangat tidak wajar. If we realised it already, then why do we have to wait for something good? Tunggu untuk kita berubah pendirian balik? Tunggu sampai yang lain give up?

Dunia tak ada stopwatch yang kita boleh pause seketika and start balik bila kita ready.

Semuanya hanya untuk memajukan diri. Untuk jadi yang lebih baik. Untuk harapan, kepercayaan yang diberi. Untuk lihat diri sendiri membangun. Untuk happiness waiting ahead for those who seek after it.

Sometimes rasa macam kena push diri. Itu pun dah jadi satu sacrifice. Sometimes kita buat benda yang kita tak pernah buat untuk itu. Itu pun dah jadi satu sacrifice. Sometimes rasa berat nak lepaskan apa yang dah seronok kita miliki. Itu pun dah jadi satu sacrifice. Hidup dalam dunia memang la sentiasa kena berkorban untuk dapatkan apa yang kita nak, and untuk satu improvement dalam diri.

Tak cuba? Tak akan tahu result.

At the end of the day, aku, kau dan mereka tahu apa benefits yang aku bebelkan ni. Aku, kau dan mereka masih diberi peluang untuk lakukan perubahan. Jadi, chances are not meant to be waste. Make full use of it. Selagi ada di depan mata. Kalau dah hilang nanti, menyesal pun tak guna.

Aku, kau dan mereka perlu lakukan perubahan.

Doakan kami.

Give it all a chance

2010-10-12T13:45:00.001+08:00

Its normal bila kita dah ended up a relationship with someone mesti susah nak get over it;especially those break ups yang betul-betul made an impact in our life. But,we shouldn'tgive up or feel down sampai takut nak be ready for a new relationship.We can give up on the past person,but never give up on LOVE.Why does people keep looking towards the closed door?Its over and if they are moving on,so why can't we?

Trauma?Paranoid?Yes,we can simply deal with that.The thing is we have to give ourselves a CHANCE.Chance to love and be love again.Takut things will end up the same?Well,I'm sure we can always try to make the best out of everything.Just bare in mind that things might not turn up the way we plan it,still we should find positivity behind it.

Speaking of though times with bad relationships,I can almost be consider as an expert in it.I am really used to it.As a person yang pessimistic,sepatutnya aku dah give up.But I didn't and I don't want to.Being in love is the greatest thing in life.Tak kira dengan siapa pun,there will always somethingsweet and nice yang akan kita hadapi if we willing to try and find the way that will lead us to it.

Phobia?Takut the next person will hurt you?Well,people do have their differences.We never know unless we give it a go.And we don't have to wait too long to be ready.There is nothing to be prepare of.We just give it a chance and see how it goes while dealing with every situations in our way.Why should we sit in a corner and thinking about regretful stuff happened in the past while another door in front of you is wide open?Why can't we just go in and see what's going on.Take it all as an experiences;bad or good.That will make you moremature and becoming a better person.Take your chances.Don't escape by thinking that the other person might deserves someone better.Why can't you just be that person?

What if?What if things could just work this time?There isno harm for trying it out.Or what if things might just not work out again?Then you could always find a way to sort things out.Its just a matter of taking a risk and give a chance to the other person and yourself.We all deserves to be in love and to feel love.Don't just waste your time by beingparanoid or phobia just because things didn't work out in the past.Waste your time on moving on towards a new beginning.Who knows it might just worth a shot.

Life must go on.We plan and we try to work things out that way.If we really want something,then we should just go for it.Sometimes it might be unsure or confusing at the first place.But we can always try to find a way to make things better.We never know unless we try.Make the best out of everything.You'll find a happiness along the way and that is 100% confirm.Even though times might come at some stages,things can be sort out.Its just the matter of how we deal with it.I am not speaking to make things look too positive,but it were all from those people's and my personalexperiences;plus its a fact.

Cheese cake will never make me fat

2010-09-28T12:17:00.005+08:00

Confession: I am a cheese cake lover.

In the middle of settling my workloads, tiba-tiba craving for cheese cake.

(Entri apa macam ni?)

Perasaan Oh Perasaan

2010-09-21T09:48:00.004+08:00

Nak cakap pasal perasaan lagi?

Aku banyak ikut frasa 'go with the flow' lately.

Takut bermain dengan perasaan?

Selagi ada perasaan dalam diri, bukan kita atau sesiapa boleh permainkan. Perasaan wujud bila ia hadir; naturally.

Currently, perasaan semakin lama semakin menampakkan positivity. Mungkin sebab aku mula akur dengan situasi sebelumnya dan masa telah merubah satu proses perasaan yang dulunya dipupuk untuk satu individu kini beralih kepada individu lain. Bukan pada waktu yang sama; jangan salah anggap. Cuma bila pintu di sana telah ditutup, aku berlari menuju pada pintu yang terbuka. Alhamdulillah, aku disambut dengan senyuman.

Senyuman itu yang buat aku berdiri kembali menyuarakan perasaan ini. Senyuman itu buat aku berani untuk berhadapan dengan perasaan itu kembali. Senyuman itu buat aku pandang lebih jauh. Yang pasti senyuman itu telah aku miliki jadi bingkisan dalam hati dan fikiran.

"Mulakan hidup baru. I am going to treat you right; at least I'll try. You deserves it..."

Bukan soal terlalu cepat atau terlalu lambat. Ini bukan masa punya cerita. Aku cuma perlu buka mata, buka hati dan beri peluang. Yang penting aku ikhlas.

Surat Seribu Kemaafan

2010-09-10T18:26:00.003+08:00

Dear you,

It have been 13 years since you gone. Somehow, Hari Raya always reminded me the day you left. It was unexpected and kadang-kadang rasa macam tak boleh terima. Tapi Allah lebih sayangkan kamu. Early this morning, I stopped by in front of that 'place'. I've been doing it almost every year since the past 4 years of celebrating Hari Raya alone. Each and every time I rasa nak masuk and just go to your spot. Tapi I still don't have the guts and itu yang paling I sakit hati. Ever since you gone, I just tak pernah pergi to any funeral even my atok's and nenek's. I just couldn't stand that specific memories that reminded me that you're gone. You have went to 'that' place masa I wasn't ready to let you go.

Maybe masa berlalu cepat and I banyak dah lupakan our moments. Tapi trust me, I tak pernah lupa apa saja yang you dah lakukan and sacrificed for my happiness. You taught me about commitment which I didn't have the clue at that early age. You taught me to sacrifice for the love ones. You taught me to be me. And I am so thankful for that. I sangat appreciate all of that.

There were times we fought and we argued over big things and silly things. Tapi you were the one yang selalu pujuk and mengalah. I am so sorry for that to happened. We were young; I was so naive and you were so matured for your age. I am sorry for that last phone call few hours before you left me. We argued over Hari Raya. I sentiasa rasa bersalah even until now for not being understanding enough masa tu. And worse of all, I tak sempat nak betul-betul minta maaf pada you. That is the biggest burden yang I tanggung sampai sekarang. But I hope somehow you can forgive me for that.

Sometimes I just wondered, kalau you masih ada lagi will we still be together? But I bet not. Masa akan banyak buat kita berubah. Tapi yang pastinya, you are such a wonderful person yang sentiasa buat I rasa bertuah and I will never forget you. Rasa there were so many things to share and I know mungkin you sendiri nampak from up there. Its tough and somehow you are quite lucky not to have go through all of that.

Dalam setiap doa I akan sentiasa sebut nama you. Time passes by tak bermakna I terus lupakan you and be happy. Especially when it comes to Hari Raya, it was that specific tragedy sentiasa haunting me and making me a bit turn off with this occasion; plus with many other failure near to it. I miss you so much if only you could hear me say it out. The only thing I can do is to berdoa agar you berada di tempat yang baik-baik. Again, I am so sorry for everything and I am regret not to find the courage untuk melawat you di 'situ'. Insyallah, I will one day. Terima kasih for every single thing. I miss you, I really do.

Al- Fatihah....

Esok Hari Raya bummer

2010-09-09T17:44:00.003+08:00

Ya Allah, esok dah hari raya. Rasanya sebulan ni kejap sangat and I am not ready for anything just yet. Well, actually tak ada benda pun yang I have to prepare. Raya will always be the usual Raya for me; sickening, boredom and sedih. But, kena cuba tak mengeluh sebab life must go on kan?

My parents dah ke Jakarta to celebrate Raya with my grandma, uncles and aunties. My sister, her husband, Iddin, Ilhan and Adil went back to my brother in law's hometown in Perlis. So that left me with my brother and makcik. Apa sangat yang boleh dibuat on Hari Raya di Kuala Lumpur ni?

"Kenapa tak ikut your parents?"

The usual question orang akan tanya bila tahu aku beraya without my parents di Kuala Lumpur ni. Bila dah kerja pengorbanan macam ni biasa la kena sacrifice. Today pun half day cuti and will be start working back on Monday. So cuti Raya tak ada lah macam masa study dulu or so. Plus, bila kita belum berkahwin, usually keutamaan akan diberikan for those yang dah bersuami/isteri. Well, orang bujang pun ada family to entertain okay? I don't think its fair for them to have those kind of rule.

"Dah prepare untuk Hari Raya?"

What is there for me to prepare kalau dah beraya macam ni saja? Maybe a little preparation macam kemas rumah, beli some cookies and stuff macam tu saja. There is not much to prepare seriously since before my mum balik kampung pun, she have prepared most of the things. So tinggal celebrate Raya saja lah.

Bila I said that I am not that into Raya, people will usually go "why? what's wrong?". Funny untuk explain almost every year. Tapi tak ada perubahan pun. I thought this year might just change. But its not. Maybe it will never change, I don't know. Raya is the moment bila semua bad memories tu datang. Generally its about loosing some people that I love either on Hari Raya or days before Raya. By death or by just leaving me. I don't know why Raya and I doesn't really connect. Raya keep turing me down even until this year where I seriously hope it will change my perception; but it didn't. Plus bila Raya sendiri, lagi la macam-macam kita fikir. And just like previous years, I am sure I'll be a lot emotional during Raya.

But, I have nothing against Raya. Its a celebration after kita dah berpuasa sebulan in Ramadhan. And we should celebrate it dengan berpada and ingat those people who are in need. So if you have to ask me again on how was my preparation, I have to say prepare only the necessity.

"Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir dan batin!"

Seriously.

2010-09-06T10:50:00.002+08:00

The best part of knowing people bagi aku are those part bila kita jumpa our differences. Not that I mean a bad differences atau something yang tak boleh diterima. Cuma differences antara kau dan dia yang mungkin boleh berikan kau semangat untuk jadi yang lebih baik.

Fast-track degree student? On Dean's List for 4 consecutive semesters? With all those achievements so far?

That's a definite WOW factor.

Somehow, those kind of things buat aku bersemangat sangat untuk memajukan diri. Seriously, I really have to buck myself up untuk jadi better and better. I guess kali ni bukan semua jadi angan-angan saja. I have been pushing and trying my ass off untuk dapatkan title 'successful' suatu hari nanti; Insyallah.

"doakan aku ya.."

Perasaan Hari Ini: Terima kasih Senyum

2010-09-04T16:48:00.002+08:00

"apa yang jadi in the past is not your lost"

Bangun pagi dengan senyuman. Rasa lebih semangat. What he said is true I guess. Hands off dah. I am feeling much better. And I am sure I will be a better person in times untuk Dia dan mereka who deserves. Terima kasih walau dengan amarah untuk sedarkan aku. You know I appreciate that, kan? Untuk hari-hari kau sudi mendengar dan berkongsi, untuk tatap muka annoyed aku, untuk dengar segala alasan aku, untuk every drop of tears yang kau keluarkan untuk sedarkan aku, untuk pengorbanan masa dan kepentingan, you know I am so thankful for all that and amat aku hargai.

Soal masa depan, belum masa nak dijadikan issue. Apa pun terima kasih atas kesanggupan untuk go through all this with me walau pada dasarnya its 'none of your business'. Sorry tiap kali aku lafazkan kata-kata yang cuba untuk menegakkan satu frasa yang aku pernah percaya dulu. Sekarang heart and soul lebih clear kan? Harap-harap hari mendatang akan jadi lebih baik dari yang terbaik.

Senyum...

My Bestfriend and her 6 weeks baby

2010-09-01T11:48:00.005+08:00

Ya Allah, I am so excited bila dapat the news that my best girlfriend Helina is 6 weeks pregnant. I am so freaking happy sampai I can't even stop smiling all the way. Plus, I am going to be the Baby Shower Party planner. Isn't that a great deal or what? It flatters me a lot and I really appreciate that.

Well, its not too early to start planning and gain the ideas. I just want to make it the perfect one for her. So rasanya I have to start sketching a few ideas and doing some research on it. Its my first time planning a baby shower. So hopefully its going to be a blast. And yes, Farrina is going to be my assistant. So ideas, please keep coming.

Can't wait.

"Thank you so much Helina.. :) "

Cuma Mimpi Indah

2010-08-31T11:07:00.005+08:00

Satu persatu jari terlerai. Kini genggaman yang selama ini ku terus cuba eratkan telah kulepaskan. Jangan persoal tentang kesahihannya, kerana aku terus memaksa aku jadi aku yang itu. Pada dasarnya janji telah teringkar, kerana aku teus memaksa aku jadi aku yang itu.

Pastinya mimpi lebih indah dari nyata. Tapi aku terpaksa berhenti untuk terus bermimpi. Aku celikkan mata, bukakan hati dan bangun dari mimpi. Kerana realiti aku masih aku yang itu. Tentang perasaan jangan kamu persoalkan. Kerana kamu tahu aku masih aku yang itu. Akan ku ubah setiap cara yang telah banyak aku pelajari dalam terus melangkah jadi yang lebih baik. Untuk Dia, aku dan mereka. Mungkin persinggahan aku dalam mimpi itu akan banyak membantu aku dalam meneruskan frasa kehidupan yang mendatang. Untuk itu, terima kasih tulus dari hati aku.

Pada Dia, akan aku terus mendongak ke atas, menadah tangan, memohon doa agar semuanya baik-baik sahaja.

I don't really exist. Aku cuma mimpi indah kamu.

New Room In Need

2010-08-30T14:50:00.007+08:00

Mood hari ni rasa macam nak cat bilik. It have been 5 years I guess since the last time I painted my room (well, not actually I painted my room. More like, someone else painted my room for me). But yes, the colour dah sort of pudar and banyak kesan-kesan yang tertanggal after a few posters and photos were been tore down from the wall. So the calm blue were no longer calm any more.

So, currently its calm blue. I was thinking of going for something sharp like red or perhaps a little soothing such as maroon, purple or grey. Tapi yellow or green are definitely off the chart. After that, I was thinking of rearrange all the furnitures and stuff. Even bilik tak sebesar mana, but it seems like lately dah macam banyak barang pulak which I don't remember bila ada kat situ. Perhaps its like another storeroom for my house I guess. So, a whole new grooming are indeed for this project.

Bila nak mula?

Well, currently masih dalam process of finding the right ideas and elaborating things. Kena juga ambil kira kesesuaian dengan the rest of the stuff yang I still want to keep. Yang tak sesuai dah tu mungkin ambil tempat di kawasan pembuangan yang berdekatan. Perhaps, bila dah start cuti raya I can start sikit-sikit sampai habis raya. I don't know, mungkin berhasil or not, but I really have to start working on it. Nak a new environment kononnya.

So wish me luck!

* gambar hiasan just to inspire.

Coming Soon : UNIQLO

2010-08-27T11:25:00.006+08:00

This new fashion brand from Japan will be coming to Malaysia perhaps in a short period. Some say its rather much affordable dari those Topshop/ Topman price range. And as I can see on the net, the clothing line agak similar to that particular brand cuma ada juga differences between them. For more info or styling research, you can browse through www.uniqlo .com and see interesting things in it. Plus the web design are quite cool and very much interesting. Hopefully, this particular UNIQLO tak jadi those overrated clothing line pula. So fashion lovers, better put on a check on this one.

Info:
The first UNIQLO store opened in June 1984. UNIQLO enjoyed superb growth by providing high quality casual wear at remarkably low prices. Fleece campaign sparked a UNIQLO boom across Japan in 1998. The post boom period saw a comparative fall off in revenue and profit, but our timely expansion of women’s wear products helped generate a recovery in our business and saw the company generate sales of \400bln in fiscal 2006. We now boast a network of over 760 stores across Japan and we are working on increasing the UNIQLO appeal ever further through the development of 1650sqm stores (double the initial regular store size of 800sqm), and large-format stores with extensive shop floors of 3300sqm.

Soal perasaan hari ini

2010-08-26T12:34:00.003+08:00

Rasanya aku ada masalah kemurungan. Seriously.
Perlukan insan punya hati dan fikiran terbuka untuk jadi a shoulder to cry on.
Ada Dia untuk aku berdoa dan aku masih beristighfar.
dia...

Dia dan dia

2010-08-24T11:28:00.006+08:00

Kalau boleh aku patah balik, dah lama aku patah balik. Kalau aku boleh ubah diri aku, dah lama aku terus berubah. Kalau boleh aku buang perasaan, dah lama aku buang ia jauh-jauh. Kalau aku boleh minta satu permintaan, cuma itu yang aku mahu. Rasa diri ini semakin lemah dan aku tak malu mengakuinya. Cuma ada Dia, untuk mendengar segala rintihan aku. Hari-hari aku semakin hilang. Semangat makin lama makin tak menampakkan diri. Sampai pada dasarnya, tiada senyuman yang dapat aku ukirkan. Aku hilang punca.

Puas aku mengangkat tangan ke atas memohon dipermudahkan kehidupan ini. Sebab aku semakin tak berdaya menghadapi hari-hari yang mendatang. Bukan aku cuba merosakkan diri sendiri. Tapi itulah aku, manusia yang masih belum bisa berdiri sendiri. Aku kekal berjalan dengan segala nasihat yang pernah diberikan. Dengan harapan yang masih jadi pegangan walau sering aku cuba ketepikan. Aku cuba cekalkan diri untuk terus maju ke depan. Tapi nampaknya setiap langkah penuh keluhan yang terkadang buat aku terhenti. Mana arah aku tuju? Aku ingin tuju arah kau di situ. Tunggu aku kerana aku masih perlu berjalan. Tidak selaju kamu, jadi tolong tunggu aku di situ.

Berikan aku kekuatan, Dia dan dia. Tolong aku untuk terus berjalan. Jangan cari punca apa silap dan kekurangan aku. Tolong pandang kebaikan dan perasaan suci aku terhadap kamu. Aku masih aku yang tidak bisa menipu siapa aku sebenarnya di dalam hati dan perasaan. Tulus perasaan ini jadi punca aku tegakkan kemahuan. Aku masih tak pandai untuk menyangkal apa yang aku rasa. Kerana zahirnya masih ikhlas dan tulus tak berdosa. Ini soal murninya sebuah perasaan cinta.

Dia dan dia, kerap kali aku lafazkan setiap kali aku berdoa ke atas. Dia dan dia, terimalah aku seadanya aku kerana aku masih kejadian Mu dan insan yang masih ada di hati kamu. Dia dan dia, jangan pernah tinggalkan aku. Dia dan dia, pimpinlah aku, jangan pernah lepaskan aku sesungguhnya aku sangat membutuhkan kamu. Dia dan dia, aku masih milik kamu semalam, hari ini dan selamanya.

Pergi

2010-08-19T13:55:00.003+08:00

Kaki berat untuk melangkah. Tapi aku masih harus pergi. There is no reason for me to stay anymore. Atau mungkin masih punya reason, cuma aku semakin penat untuk berharap. Berharap pada satu perkara yang tak pasti.

Sudah kerap aku cuba berundur dan membiarkan impian tinggal khayalan. Tapi setiap kali itulah hati aku semakin kuat mengatakan harapan masih ada cuma aku perlu terus berusaha. Tapi pada detik ini, segala usaha dan harapan aku, biarlah jadi satu perasaan terpendam.

I wish that I won't have to give up on you before it even start. Tapi if it is the best way for both of us, then we should just mind our distance. I am not leaving you. I might not even there. I am just here; hoping. Sampai akhirnya aku cuma perlu terus melangkah pergi. Meninggalkan yang tak pasti...

"I am sorry... "

Perubahan Itu..Jangan berubah ini...

2010-08-18T12:38:00.003+08:00

"Sekali air bah, sekali pantai berubah"

I do believe in that particular phrase since it have being going on a lot in my life. Tujuan untuk memajukan diri atau situasi yang menyebabkan satu perubahan itu berlaku. Mungkin pada dasarnya aku masih belum bersedia. Tetapi atas keterpaksaan, aku cuma perlu akur dan ikuti perubahan yang berlaku. Adakalanya janji tidak dapat ditepati, atau janji hanya sekadar manisan mulut semata-mata. Tapi perubahan cuma jadi alasan untuk kukuhkan keputusan.

Aku cuba untuk terus melangkah dengan segala pertayaan yang timbul dalam fikiran. Aku tak akan ketemu jawapan yang pasti tentang harapan untuk hari esok. Aku harus fikir aku sebelum dia atau sesiapa. Tapi dia masih sebahagian daripada aku, atau itu cuma frasa yang aku cuba ingin percaya.

Cuma bisa berharap dan berdoa. Soal usaha, there is nothing much I can do. Jangan terus hilang seolah aku terlalu hina pada mata kamu. Aku masih aku yang dahulu kamu agungkan. Sedikit berbeza, tapi dalam hati kamu masih tahu siapa sebenarnya aku. Jangan tampak jelek kerana kamu bukan itu. Cuma tunaikan janji yang masih meniti di bibirmu untuk aku insan yang selalu ada dalam hatimu.

Hidup macam dalam drama

2010-08-16T10:08:00.003+08:00

Mood: Swing

Hidup ini sudah macam drama. Dalam hidup aku, aku lah pelakon utamanya. Watak-watak lain ada yang masih kekal dan ada yang silih berganti. Setiap hari ada saja episod dan cerita baru. Tamat satu season, season lain ambil tempat. Aku masih melakonkan watak yang sama. Cuma mungkin perubahan berlaku sama ada dari segi kebaikan atau keburukan bergantung pada keadaan dan perasaan at that specific moment. Itu dah jadi lumrah hidup kita yang macam dalam drama.

Penat atau tidak, selagi nyawa masih ada dan selagi nafas dihela, aku teruskan setiap episod. Sakit atau tidak, aku cuma perlu harungi. Gembira atau sedih, sudah jadi isu dalam setiap episode. Watak hero/heroin sering bersilih ganti. Namun cerita disebaliknya sentiasa mendatangkan kesan dalam cerita aku. Aku masih punya rasa.

Setiap kejayaan akan aku kongsi pada mereka yang setia. Tapi kegagalan cuma aku yang tempuhi dan dapat tangani. Hidup aku masih dengan cara aku. Berubah pada dasarnya, namun hati aku masih menyimpan siapa aku sebenarnya. Baik atau buruk, biarlah aku saja yang mengerti dan rasakan kesannya. Dosa atau pahala, jadi perhitungan antara aku dengan yang Maha Esa.

Apa yang pasti, semuanya pentas dunia. Aku cuma perlu lakonkan watak aku dalam drama kehidupan aku. Kamu datang, kamu singgah dan kamu pergi. Aku masih di sini menyimpan setiap janji sampai ia sendirinya pergi. Semuanya masih belum pasti. Tiada apa yang pasti.

Salam Ramadhan

2010-08-10T14:44:00.004+08:00

Pejam celik, esok dah start 1st Ramadhan. So to every Muslim in the whole world, selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa. A start and a full month of menyucikan diri. Semoga mendapat keberkatan dan lebih banyak pahala di bulan yang mulia ini.

Flattering Thing

2010-08-05T14:41:00.004+08:00

Yes, sayang saya can be this sweet at times. Things like this always flatters me. Well, who doesn't? Unless kamu heartless then mungkin kamu tak terasa apa about this.

Apa yang ingin saya tekankan di sini, relationship always need something yang buat kita flatter each other. Macam as a symbol of compliment; as an appreciation. Siapa yang tak suka bila dihargai? Siapa yang tak rasa terharu bila this kind of things diberi oleh orang yang kita cintai? Jika kamu tak terasa, maybe kamu dead inside. Mungkin benda tak sebesar bungalow di Damansara atau semahal kereta Jaguar atau se-fancy designer's clothes. But the thoughts and efforts that counts. Benda as simple as this dah cukup buat aku lebih menghargai relationship tu.

Macam-macam cara boleh tunjukkan rasa sayang and cinta tu. Kadang-kadang by saying 'I Love You' everyday pun rasa macam tak cukup juga. Mungkin boleh cuba few creatives things. Lagi D.I.Y usually lagi berkesan. Maybe boleh compile a cd, make cupcakes, self-made cards, write songs or poems, write blog entries, t-shirt printing, dan macam-macam lagi idea just untuk nampakkan efforts tu. Kalau rasa you want to do something but running out of idea, then just google it. I'm sure you'll find something.

For those who have no idea how to make it up to your love ones, or to pujuk, or just to show your appreciation, then serahkan pada creativity. Mungkin ada jawapan di situ. Just do it. Your love ones will love you even 10 times more.

p/s: I always love every single thing you did and gave me. Even the tiny winy things. You making me feel so special. Thank you sayang.

(biar la nak lovey dovey pun... tak salah kan?)

Betul, tak ada niat...

2010-08-04T21:45:00.003+08:00

Dalam pada berkongsi cerita dalam blog, ada juga orang yang cuba ambil kesempatan, kan? Yes, its been quite a monotonous and depressing mode lately. Tapi I believe semua in recovery. Sebab dari dulu sampai sekarang aku percaya setiap perkara atau permasalahan pasti ada jalan penyelesaiannya. Memang writing this blog salah satu cara aku meluahkan perasaan atau emosi. Bagi yang nak baca, then feel free. Bagi yang nak ambil pengajaran, you are most welcome. Tapi bagi mereka yang cuba jadikan ini satu step untuk memulakan langkah ke arah satu lagi masalah, you are not welcome here.

Nasihat dan pendapat, yes aku terima and cuba analyze sendiri. Bukan perlu paksaan atau cuba telling we what I have to do. Segala decisions or pros and cons biar aku yang differentiate and tentukan. Who are you to tell me what to or what not to do? Jadi biarkan aku selesaikan segala apa yang berlaku dengan cara aku dan keputusan aku. Sebab at the end of the day, aku sendiri yang tanggung akan kesan tersebut.

I am not trying to open any opportunities here. Especially in terms of having someone else at this particular moment. Jadi untuk 2 insan tu, terima kasih. Aku hargai segala nasihat and kata-kata semangat yang awalnya positive dan telah bertukar menjadi satu bencana dalam fikiran aku.

Honestly, bukan niat aku menulis untuk minta simpati, atau jadikan satu cara tidak langsung untuk orang menilai siapa aku. Aku lebih kenal siapa aku sebenarnya. Baik atau buruk terpulang pada individu itu sendiri. Jadi, you can read and judge if you want. But that doesn't mean you can interfere or telling me that I have been making mistakes. Sama ada betul atau salah, biarlah aku tanggung effects-nya.

Bukan marah. Cuma tersinggung. Cukuplah jadi kamu yang sentiasa anonymous.

untitled

2010-08-04T09:47:00.004+08:00

Mungkin aku yang jadi punca kerana inginkan kesempurnan.
Mungkin aku yang jadi punca kerana inginkan banyak perhatian.
Mungkin aku yang jadi punca kerana menyuarakan rasa hati.
Mungkin aku yang jadi punca bila meminta lebih usaha.
Mungkin aku yang jadi punca kerana terlalu berharap.
Mungkin aku yang jadi punca kerana selalu gagal.
Mungkin aku yang jadi punca bila terlalu mementingkannya.

Tergugat dengan perasaan sendiri.
Cinta, tolong datang dekat. Tolong pegang erat dan jangan lepaskan.

My Addiction

2010-08-03T09:08:00.003+08:00

Dia

2010-08-02T00:45:00.005+08:00

Listen to: Something Good by Bic Runga

Pejam celik, pejam celik now dah masuk August. Which means few days left for puasa and a few months left for 2011. Macam-macam. Terlalu macam-macam dah jadi. Resah, sedih, gembira, rindu, sayang, cinta, hancur, pedih, duka, pahit, manis; macam-macam perasaan yang bercampur aduk dalam hati dan dalam fikiran aku currently. Tapi semuanya berpunca dari aku.

Gembira rasanya kerana until now aku masih bersama insan yang paling aku sayangi and cintai.
Terharu sebab after so many things we went through, kami masih punya faith towards each other.
Resah bila ingatkan balik segala peristiwa yang pernah berlaku antara aku, dia dan dunia.
Sedih bila kenangan kesusahan yang kami terpaksa lalui untuk hari esok dengan harapan lebih cerah.
Rindu bila seketika timbul perasaan di mana aku seolah-olah diketepikan.
Pahit yang terpaksa aku telan untuk teruskan hidup bersama peristiwa lepas.
Hancur hati bila menerima segala berita yang tak pernah aku bayangkan.
Percaya, itu lebih subjektif bila aku masih berusaha untuk percaya.
Sayang, hari-hari masih berdiri kerana sayang.
Cinta buat aku terus di sini dan menanti akan hari esok untuk kami terus bahagia.

Apa pun perasaan yang datang dan pergi dalam hati dan fikiran aku sekarang, cuma doa dan harapan yang aku boleh letakkan sebagai jaminan. Dunia ibarat air sungai tak tahu mana punca, mana penghujung. Jadi aku dengan nama cinta cuma perlu akur dan teruskan usaha untuk yang terbaik kerana dia hanya yang terbaik. Mungkin aku sibuk mengasah jiwanya yang diselaputi pudar warna. Aku pasti kilatnya akan jua terlihat cuma perlu usaha untuk digilap. Dia masih dia dalam hati. Dia masih dia dan cuma dia.

Clueless

2010-07-27T01:26:00.003+08:00

Mood: Unknown
Listen to: When I See You Smile by Bic Runga

Seriously, perasaan aku sekarang macam sangat monotonous. I am absolutely clueless dengan situation sekarang. I don't know apa yang sebenarnya aku patut rasa by now. I feel empty. Macam jiwa aku currently kosong and my mind macam put on a pause. What is going on? This is not the usual me yang sentiasa berfikir. I just don't feel right about this. I should be afraid. Afraid that I'll make any mistakes.

Dear God, help me please. It seems like you are the only one I can turn to right about now. I am deeply clueless. Kosong.

Improvise

2010-07-14T13:30:00.004+08:00

"Love is so very special, yet can make you feel so lost. It can arrive just like the springtime, and melt away like morning frost. You must find ways to nurture, always grow your love with care. Never ever take for granted, the love that you both share. Mistakes are bound to happen, you may hurt each other's heart. Yet don't give up to easily, it will tear your love apart. Love resembles a bright flame that lights a dark starry night. Never ever let this flame burn down, rekindle with all your might. Take a moment every day, look deep into each other's eyes. Never hesitate to show affection, small gestures will keep a love alive. Talk openly about your feelings, take time to show that you care. Treasure each and every moment, because to find true love is rare."

- Connie Thomas Lugo -

Rasa sunyi kadang-kadang. Rasa macam lack of attention. Each and everytime I've tried to talk about it, in the end it feels like it were all my fault. What had happened? Apa yang sebenarnya kurang? Each and everytime aku cuba kaji. Aku cuba analyzed things. Aku cuba faham both situations. Tapi kenapa it feels like I am the only one who understands? Or maybe aku masih kurang faham. But its okay. I believe aku perlu cuba untuk lebih fahami and loosen up. I really hope this could work sebab deeply inside I know it will.

Rasa communication tu kurang. There were times yang aku rasa sangat dekat and bila actually I saw his efforts towards this. I really appreciate each and everytime his sweetness just shines through it. He is still the same person inside. Cuma ada kala aku rasa left out or unwanted. Maybe its normal to be neglected for quite awhile. Maybe cuma perasaan aku yang terbawa-bawa oleh situation.

But I really do miss the moment when he is all into me. Macam you can't get even a second out of sight. Tapi things changed here and there. I just have to understand and deal with it. Or should I ask something in a way to improve this? Its not that bad. But something is missing somewhere and I guess we both just have to look after it and improvise for what its worth. Am I right?

Tapi he always be the sweetest him inside of me. He always be the person that makes me go crazy just to think about him. He will always be the only person that I adore and I surely want to spend my whole life with. We just have to let each other in. We just have to understand each other more. We have been doing good so far. I guess nothing that we can't go through when we keep faith to each other. Just improvise.

p/s: I miss you..so bad...

Life & Hypocrisy

2010-07-12T02:12:00.004+08:00

Mood: Anxious

Hypocrite. One word untuk defined this type of people. Those people yang intend to make fun of other people behind their back instead of going straight forward. Kenapa kena cakap buruk pasal orang lain behind their back? Mungkin ada rasa tidak puas hati, atau mungkin juga ada dasar cemburu.

Kadang-kadang manusia type macam tu memang suka nak cerita keburukan or kekurangan orang lain. Kenapa tak cermin diri sendiri and habiskan masa tu untuk muhasabah diri instead of wasting time bercerita pasal orang lain? Ini jenis kehidupan manusia yang sebenarnya tiada keseronokan selain dari mengata hal orang. In front, punyalah baik, concern and caring. Belakang, stabbing other people and it hurts.

Sedih bila jadi benda macam ni. Memang betul when people said 'trust absolutely nobody'. So rasanya aku dah patut sedar and banyak belajar from this. Orang yang tak ada life macam tu patut diabaikan or perhaps dibuang dari list.

"Tolong jaga tepi kain sendiri. Cermin diri sendiri sebelum nak judge org lain. Hidup kau pun belum tentu bagus. NO! Actually memang tak ada apa pun yg bagus. Tak percaya tengok cermin or duduk diam-diam fikir. Bercakap saja tahu. Cakap banyak tapi apa pun tak ada. Cari kelemahan dan kekurangan diri sendiri; perbaiki. Jangan buang masa cari keburukan orang lain and make an issue about it. Other people have their own ways to survive. So who the hell are you to judge when clearly you are still full of imperfection. So stop talking about other people behind your back. Haven't you learn enough? Go and get yourself a LIFE".

Lagu untuk aku dari dia

2010-07-11T00:20:00.002+08:00

Mood: Stress

It was a hell of a tough day for me. Macam-macam aku found out and macam-macam benda buat aku rasa absolutely down. I have no one to turn to. I felt almost alone. Cuma lagu dari dia yang temankan aku the whole night of thinking. Cuma ada lagu untuk pujuk diri aku sendiri.

Song : Baik-baik sayang Artist: Wali Band

Aku tak ingin kau menangis bersedih
Sudahi air mata darimu
Yang aku ingin arti hadir diriku
Kan menghapus dukamu sayang

Karena bagiku kau kehormatanku
Dengarkan dengarkan aku

Hanya satu pintaku untukmu dan hidupku
Baik baik sayang ada aku untukmu
Hanya satu pintaku di siang dan malammu
Baik baik sayang karna aku untukmu

Semua keinginan akan aku lakukan
Sekuat semampuku sayang
Karena bagiku kau kehormatanku
Dengarkan dengarkan aku

New Idea's Checklist

2010-07-01T00:02:00.004+08:00

Mood: Creative

Currently, macam-macam dalam fikiran aku. Bila dapat duduk diam, there were so many things and ideas yang aku cuba nak elaborate. Of course, aku tak boleh nak living each and everyday kerja macam biasa and doing nothing. So mula lah macam-macam suggestions yang perlu difikirkan to just expend my experiences and knowledge.

Studies
I am thinking of pursuing my studies. Masalahnya I could not find the right place or the right course. To pursue my Graphic Design background I should probably do some major in Advertising. Other then that, aku terasa macam nak start something new. Perhaps in Fashion Management or continue buffing my current career in Human Resources. Confused. Really confused. Tak tahu mana satu I should pursue.

Business
Rasanya kerja makan gaji saja tak cukup. Rasanya, passion in fashion perlu di elaborate kan dengan those ideas yang dah banyak terbuku ni. So, I've been doing some thinking, researching, analyzing, and sharing ideas about this business I might be doing in the near future. I think it is a good start for me to do something I generally love to do and perhaps something that I might just be good at.

But, semua tu masih perlu perancangan yang sempurna. I am trying not to make any wrong move. So, masih perlu banyak di analisi, masih banyak research aku perlu buat for those 2 subjects. Apa yang penting, aku perlukan sokongan daripada those people around me. Rasanya its never too late when we want to try out something to build up our future. Bukankah itu lebih wajar rather than to just doing daily boring routine.

The Thing About Love

2010-06-29T01:02:00.003+08:00

"Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility. It is therefore able to undertake all things, and it completes many things, and warrants them to take effect, where he who does not love would faint and lie down. Love is watchful and sleeping, slumbereth not. Though weary, it is not tired; though pressed, it is not straitened;though alarmed, it is not confounded.."

- Thomas A. Kempis -

Life are not always that easy especially when we are in a serious relationship as this. Tapi semua benda ada jalan penyelesaian as long as kita jujur to each other. Life might sounds quite complicating at some point. Tapi kita bole jadikan ia simple when we look more on the bright side. Selagi nak fikir negative, selagi tu apa masalah pun susah untuk diselesaikan. Just be positive, kan?

As long as we have trust and faith, surely we can overcome any situation.

Antara Disappointment atau Marah.

2010-06-23T02:58:00.003+08:00

How do we actually voice out our disappointment? Sebab in some cases, we got misunderstood antara disappointment dengan marah. How do we actually explain bila kita rasa disappoint towards certain things without being taken as marah?

Kadang-kadang aku rasa susah untuk suarakan some disappointment bila nanti di anggap satu kemarahan yang cuba aku suarakan. No. Aku tak marah. Aku cuma berkongsi perasaan di mana aku ada sedikit rasa kurang berpuas hati terhadap sesuatu perkara. It seems unfair bila apa yang aku cuba suarakan diber feedback seolah-olah aku marah atau menyalahkan atau juga cuba mencari kesalahan. No. Aku cuma ingin berkongsi atau meluahkan apa yang sebenarnya aku rasa. Cuba ambil the positive side, it can be improve in the future. Bukan kah itu tujuan untuk kita berkongsi perasaan? Untuk mendengar pendapat orang lain, menganalisa dan membuat perbandingan. After that segala changes or improvement terletak ppada diri kita sendiri to decide.

Rasanya lebih adil untuk aku menyuarakan perasaan disappointment aku instead of keeping it to myself sampai satu masa untuk aku pin and point kan segalanya. Tapi rasanya, a confession of my disappointment selalu end up dengan disappointment from the other side. Aku jadi serba salah. Jadi harus bagaimana? Honestly, aku tak marah. Aku cuma menyuarakan rasa sedikit kurang berpuas hati.

It's a BOY!

2010-06-20T12:44:00.003+08:00

Mood: Happy

The new addition in our family. My brand new nephew Muhd. Adil Idris.

Love Need Sacrifices

2010-06-18T21:37:00.000+08:00

Cinta perlukan pengorbanan.
Dan ini lah pengorbanan aku sebagai tanda kesungguhan aku.
Dikenang atau tidak, dihargai atau tidak dah tak jadi ukuran.
Yang pasti sebab cinta, inilah pengorbanan aku

Usaha Menambahkan Berat Badan

2010-06-11T16:31:00.004+08:00

Mood: Penat

Usaha nak menggemukkan badan ni macam susah je. One product after another dah cuba. Ditambah pula dengan supplement seperti vitamin B, mulitvitamin and all. But the result tak banyak pun. Memang proved that my metabolism sangat lah tinggi. Boleh ke turunkan? Tambahan pula memang selera makan aku sangat la kurang. I can cope even 3 days tanpa makan nasi pun. Even junk food dah banyak buat aku kenyang. So, how?

Currently I've been drinking this protein milk from GNC untuk tambahkan berat badan. After two weeks dah cuba, yes berat dah naik tapi perubahan tak nampak pun. Orang kata "sabar la Andre". Yes, tapi Andre ni kan ada kurang kesabaran dalam bab macam ni. Nak la ada posture yang best sikit kan? Tak nak la over muscular. Cuma macam orang cakap, sedap-sedap pun okay (hahaha..).

So dengan tekun and gigihnya aku still minum this milk each and everyday without fail. Orang kata nak dapat benda yang kita nak kena la berusaha lebih, right? So I guess ini usaha aku untuk gain more weight. Sampai bila? Tu aku tak sure lagi. Tapi, selagi larat ni aku keep on telan je semua benda yang boleh menggemukkan badan aku ni.

2010-06-10T11:50:00.003+08:00

Mood: Love

When he told me that things have been sorted out, baru la aku boleh menarik nafas lega. Aku percaya dia and I can see his efforts yang sangat banyak untuk perbaiki this relationship of us.
"Ada orang lebih memerlukan I dari segalanya, and I'm here for him" (He meant me..)
I can only smile and God knows betapa leganya aku at that moment.

Now there will only be the 2 of us and the world. Well, tapi mesti la ada juga our families and our close friends of course. Most importantly, if love truly exist in us, semuanya just possible. And love will overcome anything selagi kita ada faith in it. Things happened in the past hanya pengajaran untuk kami do better in the future. I just don't want to let apa yang pernah terjadi jadi any penghalang towards a strong relationship we have built. I am letting the past passes by dengan pengajaran yang banyak taught me about life and love.

p/s: Thank you sayang. And I will never take you for granted.

Truth Hurts

2010-06-09T13:48:00.004+08:00

Truth might hurt.
Tapi we are learning from mistakes.
At least kita honest to each other.
Sebab honesty is a main foundation of a good relationship.
Besides what's past is past, kan?
Most importantly, we both can work things out; as we have promised to each other.
We do have faith on us.
So I won't let any disappointment overshadow what we already have now.
Don't worry.

I love you.. Always have... Always will.

I Can See A Brighter Light

2010-06-06T12:44:00.003+08:00

Mood: Missing

After what we went through, after so many ways of trying to make it up to him, today aku dapat rasa a slight of kegembiraan tu lagi. Well actually, sangat-sangat gembira. Dapat tengok dia gelak macam tu and the manja-manja side of him buat aku sentiasa beringat not to loose this one again. When I saw his smile, aku dapat rasa nafas lega in me. Hanya dia tahu what he when through before and hanya aku yang tahu apa yang aku dah go through these days of chasing him.

I can really see a brighter light ahead of us. Lesson learned and sekarang is up to me untuk buktikan semua yang aku dah janjikan pada dia. I will never take him for granted. He is my other half and my future.

p/s: I love you sayang.. Always do.. Always will..

2010-06-05T00:49:00.001+08:00

Missing the other half of me..
I need my other half of me so bad..
So..so.. bad..

Life So Far

2010-05-28T11:42:00.005+08:00

27 years 3 months 10 days - So many memories, so many things happened, so many stories to share. Belajar, kerja, berkawan, bercinta, putus cinta, bergaduh, bergurau and semuanya banyak mengajar aku erti hidup yang aku tak dapat belajar di mana-mana institusi akademik pun. Belajar tentang erti hidup banyak mengajar aku untuk mengenal manusia and mengenal diri sendiri. Banyak buat aku tertawa dan menangis. Banyak buat aku gembira dan sedih. Banyak buat aku peroleh and hilang. Semuanya aku go through most of these alone.

Aku cepat adapt in any situation. Bukan jadi hipokrit. Cuma belajar untuk lebih menerima differences. Aku sendiri berbeza dari yang lain. Tapi aku tak jadikan perbezaan aku sebagai batas untuk aku terus berhadapan dengan dunia. Aku kenal, aku dalami dan aku fahami. Tapi aku still manusia biasa. Ada perasaan, ada emosi and keep making mistakes yang perlu ada insan untuk tegur and perbaiki. Even terlalu banyak ups and downs, aku percaya segala benda terjadi ada hikmahnya. Apa hikmahnya? Time will tell.

Studies -----
Dari sekolah rendah sampai la ke college satu perkara yang paling aku suka; participated in any activities. Boleh kata I am attention seeker juga. Well, bila dah minat mesti la kena cuba. I did story-telling, debate, syair, puisi, choir, chorus speaking, drama, nasyid, volleyball, tennis, singing competitions, writing competitions, etc. All I can say is, I am quite a busy person during my school years. Pengalaman time sekolah memang banyak kalau nak dihuraikan. Yea la, time tu kita baru nak belajar jadi manusia. Breaking the rules tu yang jadi paling favorite. Tak fikir apa orang kata sebab aku masih muda at that time.

Family -----
Urmm, bila sampai bab family aku jadi clueless sikit. Family tak besar mana. Cuma ada parents, kakak, abang and aku. But now after my sister got married, ada la brother in law, nephew and niece. And yeah, another one coming soon. Aku happy ada family yang still staying under one roof. Tapi ada time rasa annoying and privacy tu kurang. Aku the only child yang tak pernah masuk asrama macam my brother or studied abroad macam my sister. So, aku memang di rumah all of these while and jadi anak manja to my mum and dad. Tapi things were different once I got older. Bila semua dah habis belajar and ada yang dah kahwin, attention untuk aku dah semakin di bahagi-bahagikan untuk yang lain. Aku jadi rebellious at certain point. Lari rumah la, keluar tak balik-balik la, kantoi macam-macam la. Aku jadi the black sheep of the family pula. Sekarang, aku tak banyak communicate at home. Sebab aku rasa hubungan kami tak seakrab dulu. Balik kerja aku duduk dalam bilik saja. Then the next morning keluar pergi kerja. Kalau cuti pun mostly aku keluar. If not I'll be in my room. Tapi aku sayang family aku. Biar la macam-macam drama terjadi, but mereka tempat aku berteduh kan?

Friends -----
Dulu, hobby aku memang berkawan. Nak kata aku ni banyak cakap tak juga. Tapi maybe aku friendly and senang masuk in any situation. Macam chameleon. Hari-hari ada saja kawan baru. Macam-macam activities la bila dah banyak kawan kan? Tapi, as we grow older, satu persatu hilang. Pindah la, sambung belajar la, kerja la, kahwin la, gaduh la. Macam-macam dah terjadi within these period of building friendship. Cuma those who stays aku consider as my real friends although kadang-kadang ada juga cakap belakang and stuff. To me that's normal. You can't always be on the top of the list, right? But banyak benda yang aku belajar dalam erti persahabatan. True friends just don't let go of you no matter what. We might argue and all. Tapi at the end of the day, persahabatan lagi kuat that can overcome anything.

Kerja -----
Tak banyak boleh cerita pasal kerja. I used to bee a job-hopper sebelum ni. Ada saja tak kena dengan company yang aku kerja dulu. Office politics la, pilih kasih la, bully la. I wish that I could be a fashion editor or a writer. Tapi rasanya tak berpeluang dah I guess sebab the competitors dah terlalu banyak. So to me kerja is just kerja. You buat kerja banyak-banyak and you get pay at the end of the month. That's it.

Love -----
Cinta... banyak buat aku menangis dari gelak. Banyak buat aku kecewa dari gembira. But I do need love sebab I can't stand on my own feet alone. At least ada a wall to lean on. I've went through broke-ups dah macam banyak kali rasanya. But being the normal me, I can easily get over it in less than a month. Sebab aku senang beri peluang. Bukan sebab aku being unfaithful. Love banyak ajar aku tentang kehidupan juga. Banyak ajar aku menghargai orang yang kita sayang. Banyak mengajar how to love, to care and to share. As a result, aku yakin dengan diri aku yang aku memang jujur and sangat setia once when I am attached to somebody. Prinsip aku bukan nak ada scandal-scandal. Prinsip aku cinta aku and kasih sayang aku hanya untuk dia seorang and tak boleh nak share-share.

Tapi aku sendiri banyak buat silap. Ye la, lain relationship, lain orang, lain pula caranya sampai kadang-kadang ada yang tak boleh terima and aku pula have no clue about it. Ada yang just nak main-main. Ada yang I have to let go sebab kematian. Ada yang belakang aku pasang lagi 1. Ada yang control-freak. Ada yang terlalu bodoh bercinta. Ada yang tak sabar. Ada yang terlalu focus pada kerja sampai aku terabai. Ada yang langsung tak tahu nak beri perhatian.

But 1511009, I finally found true love after so many years of making bad choices and getting hurt. Denga dia semua jadi different. Aku banyak belajar dari dia even pada dasarnya dia jauh lebih muda dari aku. Tapi aku manusia biasa yang tak sempurna. Banyak buat silap pada dia and aku cuba untuk berubah demi kebaikan. Bagi aku dia cukup sempurna. Sampaikan tiada apa yang dapat aku fikir selain dari dia. Mungkin cara aku ada yang salah. Mungkin juga aku tak pandai nak baca fikiran or hati dia. Mungkin aku tak cukup menghargai dia. Tapi aku cuba, mungkin tak cukup. Tapi aku masih cuba. After all that we went through, it finally end with a stupid mistakes I've made. God knows how I wish that I could just turn back time and do it right. Tapi segala kenangan indah yang aku perlu ingat. Semuanya kenangaan indah kerana dia. Dia punca kekuatan aku. Look what I am now tanpa dia. Semuanya jadi miserable. Memang dengan dia la aku banyak belajar tentang erti cinta sejati. Hati aku hanya untuk dia walaupun currently kami not together anymore. Kalau ada jodoh, ada kesempatan, ada peluang, ada budi bicara, mungkin kami akan ditakdirkan together again. Aku tak perlu malu or rasa ragu-ragu to say all this. Sebab aku yakin dengan perasaan aku. Dia my other half. How could I let go another half of me.

Life -----
Macam-macam aku dah tempuhi sepanjang kehidupan ni. Maybe cuma aku saja yang faham and tahu. Macam-macam rahsia, dilemma, pahit and manis. Mungkin ada kesilapan, kekurangan, kebencian, keraguan and segalanya sebab aku still manusia biasa yang masih perlu banyak belajar. Tapi perjalanan kehidupan aku rasanya banyak juga kenangan indah. At least it makes who I am now. Walaupun slowly semuanya seems to be falling apart. Tapi maybe takdir telah sampai pada masanya. Aku sangat berterima kasih pada insan-insan yang datang, masih atau telah pergi dari hidup aku. At least kedatangan and kehadiran mereka menambahkan pengalaman and banyak mengajar aku. Nak regret things, ada juga banyak perkara. Cuma aku rasa tak perlu aku ingat sangat. Cuma kesilapan aku terhadap my other half tu yang masih abusing my mind. The rest, it happen when it should happen.

Doakan aku...

My Bestfriend's Wedding 23052010

2010-05-24T14:28:00.009+08:00

Mood: Thoughtful

Another friend down, so tinggal a few more to go. Helina and Razin's wedding semalam buat aku rasa hiba and see how wonderful your close friends getting married to the one that they love. I almost cry my tears out tapi aku cuba tahan and acted heartless. But deep down inside, serious aku sedih and terharu to see how love being appreciate to marriage.

Fikiran lari towards how me and dia used to dream of. A marriage and life compatibility. Mana hilang semua tu? Maybe for a mistake yang mungkin berat bagi dia to accept. Seriously, how I wish it could be us on the isle or at least we are still together to achieve those dreams we have. I am hoping one day it could happen. Believe me until today, I am still hoping for that miracle too. Cuma dia dah berubah and I was left here all alone holding to promises we've made.

Despite all that, the wedding was great. Sangat cantik and sangat padan. Lepas ni more and more friends akan kahwin. Until it will be my turn yang tak mungkin akan terjadi unless it is with my IAH.

p/s: So, congratulations to Helina and Razin. Semoga kekal hingga ke akhir hayat and will bring more and more of little Helina and Razin's.

untitled

2010-05-22T03:22:00.003+08:00

Mood: Sad

If only he knew what I am going through right now, he won't be this cruel.
If only he realize how miserable I am right now, how won't ever leave me alone.
If only he knew, how sorry I am, he'll be ready to forgive me.
If only I could ever change the past, he'll know that we are still happy together.
If only he'll understand...

I don't know if I have the courage to go through another day.
There is nothing left here for me.
It were all gone.

If only he knew that I really need him right now...

My New Boyfriend

2010-05-18T17:13:00.002+08:00

Mood: Missing

My new action sampler lomo. Something to turn on to when I am feeling lonely.

This too shall past...

2010-05-08T12:23:00.002+08:00

Mood: Slow

Yes, its been a tiring weeks of thinking and hoping and finally comes to an end. I seriously felt that I should just give up. Lately, I've been pushing myself so hard to move on. Things are getting back on track; as the normal ME would always do after a break-up.

Maybe it was too soon. But I always keep to myself that to never look upon a closed door for to long. And this is what I've been doing for the past few days/weeks; keep waiting for the door to be open. Who am I kidding? Why should I devastated myself? Why should I really put all the blame on me? Ntah la... But this too shall past; and thanks D for keep reminding me that.

I do miss him. But if there is a love, there will be US...

It hurts

2010-05-02T22:30:00.003+08:00

Mood: Seriously sad

Well, betul rasanya when some people said that happiness won't last. After a strong relationship has been built, tak sangka semuanya boleh pergi begitu sahaja over a stupid mistake that I made. I seriously regret it and how I wish I could turn back the time and do it all right again. Tapi things happened. And now I am alone. All alone.

Macam-macam dah jadi within these few months. Yang buruk, tak perlu di ambil kira. But apa yang memorable that counts. We've shared a lot. There were always US in every second of it. Kalau tak together, at least it were all in my mind. Maybe career and studies membataskan our communication. But we both understand each other and cuba bagi ruang untuk apa yang necessary dulu. He is just so adorable and really complete me.

Tapi sekarang dia hilang. And I've been trying so hard to run towards him, but he let got of my hand. He gave up on me. Yes it was my mistake and sumpah aku menyesal. And I swear it all my life that it won't happen again. But he refused to believe. I am the bad guy now.

Aku tak salahkan dia. Cuma aku rasa kecewa sebab dia easily give up and ambil semua negative points untuk menambahkan lagi reasons of why we shouldn't be together. How I wish that he could look more on the positive sides. How we really good to each other, how we being so close to each other, how we really love and care about each other, our good times, our decent relationship, our soft side, our pamper-ness, our happy days, what we've shared, what we have improved. Well, terlalu banyak untuk diuraikan. How I wish he could understand yang I really need him. Siapa aku without my other half? How am I suppose to go another step forward without my future.

We've planned and dream about so many things. Tapi akhirnya di sini. That is not what I want. When I mean forever, I seriously mean forever. Tapi maybe the negativity takes over. Stronger that the love that we have built. And right now, I am alone. All alone.

I don't know what will happen next to me. Some part of me masih lagi mengharap that we both can make it up. At least that's what I am hoping for. Sebab aku rasa rugi untuk tinggalkan semua ni when I know I can do better next time. But it is all up to him anyway. But if things really can't work, then I can only wish the best for him. He seriously so fragile and never for once I want to see him get hurt. It hurts me already. But maybe it was the price I paid for the stupid mistake I made.

p/s: I miss you so much sayang.. :(

20 lucky 7

2010-02-18T10:45:00.006+08:00

Mood : Excited and thoughtful

Another year of getting older. How time passes me by so quickly and after so many experiences I've gone through to step on another year of being older; 27 years old. Old enough to be mature? Old enough to make every decision for myself? Old enough to judge? Old enough to do whatever I want to do?

I've started on a rough track at my early 26. I went through quite an emotional and stressful days. Being rejected, being fooled around, fights, arguments and dramas. I even made quite a number of mistakes before what I have become now. Well, we learn through the thick and thin, right? Being 26 at that moment doesn't make me think any wiser. I am still 21 on the inside. I've socialized my ass of, going to most of the parties around town, I've got hooked and got crooked and to cut it short, Ive had quite a miserable year of my life.

As months by months gone, I've started to loosen up a bit. I hardly went to those parties, I've been avoiding dramas and craps. As a result, I survived. I find myself in a luckier position day after day lately. Despite all those stressful days of work, everything seems to be smooth.

Work
Few months back and until now, I am attached to a well known company as an human resources officer. The job is quite tiring, but the pays me well; well enough to get myself a new car. Never for once I felt that a job could teach me so may things as this particular one does. Seriously, you need to be in it to understand how I feels like. No question, it is quite tiring and stressful. But I've learned so many things since I worked here.

Family
Currently I am still staying with my very own small family. The eight of us (my mom, dad, sister and her husband, brother, my nephew, my niece and me) still in under one roof. Soon to become another nephew or niece and it would be another happy moment of my life. We might hardly talk to each other everyday (since we all have been so busy with our own stuff), but we'll catch up whenever we can. I finally making my mom much more happier after those years of being a black sheep of the family. Well, after all that we've been through, seeing a mother's smile and knowing that she is proud of you is the most thoughtful moment of my life.

Love
Few months back, I finally found someone that I've been looking for. Never for once I thought that I could be in a position that I feel such comfortable. It is as if having him and knowing that he is with me, it makes me feel so complete. Now I really know what love supposed to mean. Maybe I hardly define it in any word. But this feeling I feels each and everyday, its just so right as if there is nothing you could as for anymore. He thought me to be the person as I am now, his patience really flatter me, he gave me a lot that makes no prefect thank you that can be say, his passionate towards our relationship just melts me everytime he said that he loves me. When I had a second to think, all I can think about is his love. When I had a reason to smile, it is always him that put the smile on me. At that very moment, I realized that I am deeply in love with him.

Friends
Friends come and go. But since the past few years, this group of friends that I have really stick until now. There were a few arguments, dramas and complication. But friends just don't let other friends down, right? There is always a way for us to make it up to each other. So I kind of feel lucky to have these group of wonderful friends around me. Our differences just make us feel so much closer to each other. We learned and we shared from each other a lot. That's what BFF supposed to be.

Vision
Well, there are still so many things I wish to achieve in this life. There are still so many things I have to learn. The only way to find out is to face it by myself with the help of those people who I just can't live without. In this life, there are no such thing as living it all alone or by yourself. News flash, we always need someone to guide us, to help us or to at least share. Happiness is something you can achieve when you have the patience to create it. It is like a painting that you can put a wonderful color in it. As long as u have passion, everything just possible. I've learned my lesson and now I am ready to go through this journey of being 27 years old guy with a good job, a happy family, a loving boyfriend and a wonderful group of friends. What more could I ask for?

Tik tok tik tok

2010-02-17T10:19:00.004+08:00

Mood: Afraid

The time is tick-tocking. A few hours left until another year of growing older. Personally, memang aku ada perasaan takut. To define takut itu sangat subjective which I can only feel but I can explain it in any manner. Rasa macam time passes by so quickly. And as always, I haven't prepare to be another year older. Wish that I could make the clock stop ticking. But it would be a full stop of my life pula. So I decided to just let it pass me by and see how it goes.

This year, aku tak post any wishlist. Why? Because I can't see any point of doing it sebab I never get what I've wished for pun. But a few early presents dah pun selamat aku terima. I really appreciate it. Well, you know how much I love presents. LOL. Who doesn't?

Resolutions, masih banyak yang kena update and carry forward. Some of it aku rasa aku dah pun go through it with a success. Cuma a few things lagi kena keep track until I full fill my who new resolutions. Whatever it is, I just hope this new number will bring me more luck and so much happiness ahead. AMIN...

WorkLOADS

2010-02-06T12:30:00.002+08:00

Mood: Tired

Lately ni masih busy with works. Baru a few days balik from Kelantan, then I have to go to Perak for the recruitment activities. Penat dia memang tak dapat di gambarkan. But I still try to manage time to have a life of my own. Cuma ia terlalu limited. Kerja, kerja and kerja. Kadang-kadang rasa macam tak cukup masa and tak cukup tenaga to do all those stuff according to the dateline given. But so far, it was ok. Cuma penat tu tak dapat di cover dengan rest yang sangat terhad. But what can I do. I am attached to it.

Masa untuk family memang la kurang. I can only meet my parents masa cut off from Kelantan before I went to Perak. Ni pula bila dah balik from Perak for 2 days rest, my mum pula traveled to Jakarta. I miss her a lot. Cuma tak ada masa to spent for her lately.

My sayang pula busy with studies kat sana. I understand and cuba untuk terima those lacking of attention. And on my part juga, aku terpaksa abaikan dia for a few days sebab busy denga kerja ni. But I've been trying my best to communicate with him when I have the time. So far, it seems okay. I really hope he'll understand as much as I understand his studies.

Masa dengan kawan-kawan pun semakin banyak berkurangan. Even some of them complained yang I've been working my ass hard sampai tak ada masa even for tea with them. I can only nodded and smile. Nak jawap pun rasa tak larat to explain on why.

But, I just do what I have to do. Maybe its time for me to concentrate on something that leads me to a brighter future. Cuma I am getting used to it and try to adapt in this kind of situation. Maybe in the near future, I can really manage to do those works and still have a life.

Life so far

2010-01-17T14:14:00.002+08:00

Mood: Happy & Missing

Well, dah lama since I haven't update my blog. Weeks and weeks passes by so quickly. I have been so busy lately with workloads and out-stations. Its tiring, but I am surviving. At least I have better things to do rather then thinking or doing those crappy stuff.

Currently, I've been so busy dengan kerja that requires me to go around Perak for the recruitment activities. I've been given this trust to handle this task from superior and its a big thing for me. So I really have to make the best of it, and hopefully it will turn out with a good results. I am crossing my fingers on this one.

My love life pun is getting better. Yes, sometimes memang kena ada those arguements and stuff. But luckily, love takes over and everything just go well. Right about now, I have to get used to our distance since dia dah started masuk belajar balik. I must admit that I miss him a lot, but for future sake, kita just kena go through it with passion and trust. So far, there is no trust issue since we trust each other a lot. Maybe this time semua seems so smooth because we passionate about what we do and passionate about us. I know, 2 months is still too early to tell everything. But when I am with him, 2 months just seemed like 2 years. We both just can't get enough of each other. Isn't that a good sign or what? LOL

My friends are doing just fine too. Semua happy with their life, new love life, works and stuff. Maybe this new year brings out the best in everyone's life; hopefully. Kami still get together once in a while just to catch up what we have missed and share those happiness. It was fun and very memorable. For some people, they might not even understand what it is. But we know, what we know. LOL

Me and my family is doing just fine. We just found out that my sister is pregnant. I am so happy about it. So another niece or nephew? That is still a question mark. But what ever the gender is, I just really can't wait. I love kids. And since Iddin and Ilhan pun dah semakin besar, the bonding between us pun dah a bit different. But I'll always love them. :-)

So, life so far going quite well. Hopefully, it will always go well.

NeuYea:TwentyTen

2010-01-02T18:12:00.004+08:00

Mood: Swing

Another year has passed by so quickly. It seems like so many things I've wished for that I haven't achieve. But there were some of them that I have made it through. So many memories, so many ups and downs, so many dramas, lost and found, new and old; its just another year of living in my own little world.

Last year, I got a new job that pays me quite well. It might be far from home, but it really worth a travel (except for those hectic traffic). My new colleagues have been so nice to me. We helped each other a lot. It might be a tiring job with lots of out-station and all. But I am surviving until now.

Last year, I found someone who really touched me the most. Someone who loves me for me and always want to be with me. There is no where I would rather be then by his side. We shared our ups and downs and we still can go through what ever tough times we faced within these period of being together. I am so lucky, out of the blues I finally found someone who I really want to love with all my heart. And never for once I found someone who is so passionate and so romantic as he is. That was a definite check on my last year's resolutions.

Last year, there were arguments among of our friends. But we survived since the friendship is much more stronger than anything. Problems can always be solve when we put our ego aside. Why should we waste a friendship we have built for so many years over a stupid arguments? It was just not worth it. Luckily, I still have them to call a friend, to call a good friend and to call a best friend.

Last year, there were so many laugh of joy and tears of sadness. I am a normal human, so I can't escape of having an emotion. I might loose something or someone. But I gained much more than that after all. Well, things just happened the way it should be and for its own reasons. I don't regret. At least, it making a stronger person.

So I passed last year with so many memories. This year, totally no clue. Whatever it is, I am looking forward on much more happiness, much more achievements, much more things to smile and laugh about. I am hoping to gain much more experiences and having blast in life full of blessing. I am wishing for a wonderful life as a son, a brother, an uncle, an employee, a best friend, a friend and a lover to them who really means a lot to me. Thank you for still being here.
LOVE.

call me whatever

What would you do if...

My Bestfriend Wedding

Hari-hari Bercuti

Another Year Come To An End

Lomo Trial: Part 1

Permainan Kata

We Are All A Bunch Of Hypocrites

Hey, Selamat Berpuasa

Behind Every Successfulness

Life is Unfair? Really?

Perasaan Hari Ini: Complicated

I Miss...

untitled

10 Things You'll Hate About Me

DuaPuluhLapan

The Day I'm Getting Older

Wishlist Countdown No. 10

Someone He Used To Know

Wishlist Countdown No. 9

Churp Churp

Wishlist Countdown No. 8

Jaga tepi kain sendiri atau orang lain?

Wishlist Countdown No. 7

Wishlist Countdown No. 6

untitled

Wishlist Countdown No. 5

Helina's Baby Shower

Propaganda Sesuap Nasi

Wishlist Countdown No. 4

Wishlist Countdown No. 3

Dia dan kebiasaanya.

Wishlist Countdown No. 2

Wishlist Countdown No. 1

Cuba cermin diri dahulu. Dapat kamu lihat?

Tak Dapat Terima Kenyataan

Welcome 2011

Happy Birthday Decemberians

Manusia Tak Belajar Dari Kesilapan

Sale

Dream becoming TRUE.

untitled

Where Can I Find A Person

Friends against Mr. Boyfriend

untitled

Perasaan Hari Ini: Positive

Hard

Events: It's MIFA!

My Latest Addiction: Ash Stymest

Friends

Perasaan Hari Ini:Pengorbanan

untitled

Mari cerita tentang ' Personal Social Networking'

Speaking of change

Give it all a chance

Cheese cake will never make me fat

Perasaan Oh Perasaan

Surat Seribu Kemaafan

Esok Hari Raya *bummer*

Seriously.

Perasaan Hari Ini: Terima kasih Senyum

My Bestfriend and her 6 weeks baby

Cuma Mimpi Indah

New Room In Need

Coming Soon : UNIQLO

Soal perasaan hari ini

Dia dan dia

Pergi

Perubahan Itu..Jangan berubah ini...

Hidup macam dalam drama

Salam Ramadhan

Flattering Thing

Betul, tak ada niat...

untitled

My Addiction

Dia

Clueless

Improvise

Life & Hypocrisy

Lagu untuk aku dari dia

Esok Hari Raya bummer